As I got a special mention in your post
I'm going to give you a special bit of advice;

The branch manager has absolutely no power whatsoever, your credit rating has been determined long before you step into his office. If your credit rating is really dire I don't think they can refuse to give you an account, but they may just offer you a cashcard account or something equally as gay.

If however, this is not good enough, you will need to inflitrate Barclays bank. Dress yourself as a posh city boy, wear a pinstripe suit and a tie with a knot in it that's bigger than your head. Next, go to the Barclays bank HQ, I believe the address is:

Barclays Bank
London

Here you will need to befriend ALL of the Ruperts, sleep your way to the top, set up a gigantic loan for yourself, buy an Audi A4, give people lots of money, and then when the stock market crashes, blame somebody else and run away to live in Haiti.

Merry Christmas.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 14:00, Reply)