The wonderful story of Loperamide
The story, in the accepted fashion of this place, will most hopefully be in the reply.
(Fjord, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 18:37, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As promised.
A bit of background; two facts conspire against me. One is that I spend a lot of time travelling, giving me time to think. The other is that my photoshop skills are non-existent, otherwise this might have been a bit easier.

Now, gentle reader, a history lesson.

Pre-1969, mankind had a problem, and that problem's name was diarrhea. Difficult to spell, more difficult to endure.

But in 1969, a researcher at Janssen Phamaceutica made a brilliant breakthrough; a chemical named Loperamide, which was proven to be effective against prevalent forms of diarrhea.

The founder of Janssen - let's call him Richard - would have called a press conference to announce this wondrous thing.

"No longer must mankind suffer the agony of shitting through the eye of a needle", he would have said, "for we here at Jenssen have the perfect solution. Not only does it held alleviate the symptoms of shitting through the eye of a needle, it will also continue to do so for some time after the initial dose!"

Now, this discovery would have been a wondrous thing. There would have been dancing in the streets from those who previously only danced the arse fandango.

And it's equally likely that Janssen, and, by extension, Richard, would have made a fair amount of money - or, at least, you'd hope so.

Now let's assume Richard was a wise man, and knew how to invest. And so, over time, his fortune grew, and grew, and his children grew up in peace and happiness because people now no longer had to worry about gambling and losing in important business meetings. Why, it allowed a great deal of immodesty to be avoided, hence it's name in Britain; Imodium.

Being rich, Richard was the subject of a lot of scrutiny, and so, to avoid the more embarrassing questions, he commissioned an autobiography. In 1984, a young man named Andrew completed the first draft, and it was rushed to the publishers, a sure seller.

Twenty-four years later, or thirty-nine from Loperamide's discovery, Richard's autobiography is all but forgotten. His contribution to history and sanitation is in the history books, but just barely.

Until now. Because Danny Boyle became fascinated with the story of the man who saved toilet-goers the world over pain and embarrassment, and decided it must be filmed to bring the contribution to science it's rightful commemoration.

And so, you will be pleased to hear, that in autumn 2009 you will be able to see the film at all good cinemas, And that film's name?

...


...


...

Wait for it...


... Bumclog millionaire.


/Coat
(Fjord, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 18:49, Reply)

I wish I'd laughed.
I really, really do.

Well written though - did you write it yourself?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:14, Reply)

I wish you'd laughed, too.
If you're serious; yes, I did write it myself, and thank you for the complement.

If this is the setup for a joke, allow me to give you a head-start; 'well, my carer did help a little bit'...
(Fjord, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:28, Reply)

It was a compliment.
And you're welcome.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:41, Reply)

"danced the arse fandango"
Arf!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 15 Jan 2009, 22:25, Reply)