I sometimes
have a very strong urge to smack ladies on the bum when they are bending over, in the street or the office. Not so much a sexual thing as a surprise thing, honest.

For a while, I used to work in Leeds and got the train from York; some days it would be the cross-country Virgin train, and as they announced all the 'station stops', Leeds, Birmingham New Street, Bristol Temple Meads, Cardiff Central (or something like that), some days I'd have a really strong urge just to stay on the train and get off in Wales, do a Reggie Perrin.

The only violent one I have is the urge to walk up to one of those 'human statues', grab hold of their goolies and squeeze really hard, while someone films it on their phone. Oh, and when I'm in a hurry at lunchtime and the tourists are mosying along at one mile per hour but taking up the whole pavement, I have a very strong urge to push them in the path of on-coming traffic or just shout "GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY, MORONS."

One day, one day.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 10:03, Reply)