Hello! I need help please.
It's my birthday next month and I share it with my best mate and because she's so awesome everything revolves around her.
This means that every year I go places I don't want to go and do things I don't want to do.
And please look in the reply for the rest of the story if you want.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:48, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, this year:
Another mate has kindly offered to take her and I out and has invited a load of other people.
I asked one of the people she invited if she wanted to go to the strip club for a while that night, since no one else will go.
She told me she didn't know it was my birthday too and didn't realise it was a joint thing that she only got a text asking if she wanted to go out for X's birthday.
Cue my sniffle and drunken rants.
How do I tell this person that they can kindly piss off I'll be doing something else?
Or am I being a selfish brat?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:50, Reply)

Tell them
that you have plans to go to Richmond to have beer at the Capitol Alehouse with some weirdo you met on the internet.

And then do it!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:53, Reply)

I immediately
wondered why she would be going to south west london with me, but then I remembered where you lived!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:57, Reply)

But seriously
just tell them not to be so fucking rude and then organise a b3tabash and meet strange people.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:57, Reply)

That sounds SUPERBLY fantastic, actually, but I've already made plans in my hasty drunken stupor last night.
Have you decided what you will do this weekend?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Use these exact words
piss off I'll be doing something else
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Tell them to
kindly shove it. If this friend of yours is the centre of attention thats probably just because they've got a gob on them and speak up about what they want to do all the time...

... but on a serious point, I'm based in Tufnell Park. Its very easy to get to by tube. I can draw you a map.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:59, Reply)

Hurray Bert!
I think I love you.
Online.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Wow, thanks Kristine
I don't know what to say... erm... will you go out with me? Are you into bumming, goats and pre-soiled simians?

I just copied and pasted your own words.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:03, Reply)

I know people in Tufnell Park
Have you been to Tufnells?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:04, Reply)

go out with you? seriously? are you 12? sheesh
and yea, copy and paste, awesome stuff right there
now...about them goats...
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Phil?
I despise that man.

Every woman that I have been with has been subjected to me asking them, 'will you go out with me?' It's my mate Louise's fault, she insists that it's not a proper relationship until you've asked that question.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:05, Reply)

@ althegeordie
Yeah. That place is about a two minute walk from my gaffe. Its where they put the comedy nights on. Feel like a midgit in there, the ceilings are soooo high. And its so dark in there I once had an indeapth conversation with a pot plant, thinking it was a person... but I was on a bottle of malibu, in my defence.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Hmmmm
I either already know you, or you live very close to some people I know.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:08, Reply)

Spanky
in your profile pic, you need a pee.

AICMFP

Stop flirting you two.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:08, Reply)

Bert
Your absolutely right...

Or do I always stand like that on account of having the size of tackle you associate with an elephant. Not a fully grown elephant, mind. Only a baby one.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:10, Reply)

I soooo got duped into a relationship over myspace.
A few years ago I had a date with a guy and he sent me a message that said 'will you go out with me?' and I replied 'duh'. Yeah, so he thought I was his girlfriend and I was all no.
I like 'Will you be my girlfriend?' better, or perhaps 'will you waste your time giving me blow jobs and cooking my meals whilst I sit on my arse watching tv?'
whatever works
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:10, Reply)

You mean an elephant
foetus, one that's only 2 weeks old, barely more than a zygote.

The second one sounds good to me, but you could also include, 'and pay half my rent and bills. Thanks'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Bert
this is all a bit sudden...

do you want to see my cock?

I mean, thats fine by me. But I warn you - it will scare you... (scares the fuck out of me)...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:13, Reply)

Go on then, spanky
everybody has seen mine.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:14, Reply)

I'll get it out the freezer
tonight and post it to you.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Ahhh, yeah I forgot that bit.
Thanks.
edit: Bert, is that your cock? hitlercock?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:15, Reply)

Just checked
I don't know you. Phew!

Not that I object to knowin you mind, i'm sure your very nice. BUT STOP FLIRTING WITH MY BERT or I will have to kill you.

I do know where you live after all.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:17, Reply)

@ althegeordie
Ahh, but I might know you...

Fuck, I'm confused now.

If you know where I live, could you drop round a pint of milk? I cant be fucked to pick any up on my way home from work.

Cheers
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:20, Reply)

No
but I will tell me friend who's a copper and who must live within about 50 yards of you to keep an eye out. Dangerous place Tufnell Park. A man who flirts with another mans Bert could have a nasty accident.

Same goes for you Kristine.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:21, Reply)

Shit!
A copper???

Erm, that collection of ultra erotic *erm* 'art' is not mine.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Oi, I don't flirt. What sort of girl do you think I am?
*batts eyelashes*
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:26, Reply)

Kristine
Hitlercock is my own penis, I wouldn't have drawn a face on anybody else's.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:28, Reply)

Better watch out
there, you seem to have a bat on your face.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Sorry for the delay.
When I'm at work they get this unreasonable idea that I'm supposed to do something productive.

Anyway- car troubles are restricting me to Richmond, as the replacement EGR valve won't be in until Saturday afternoon.

ARSE!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 23 Jan 2009, 18:51, Reply)