Find a way of
subtly starting a rumour that Creepy Contractor fancies Stupid Woman and vice versa - SW will probably believe it, and CC will probably be up for anything. Get a Much Ado About Nothing-esque affair going on thusly and they'll be too busy buggering each other senseless in the stationery cupboard to join you for lunch.

Then have lunch with VL. I recommend veal sandwiches. With extra bacon. And replace your pack of crisps with pork scratchings. And your apple with a bull's testicle.

(If all else fails, substituting your standard drink for lamb's blood will probably do the trick.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:57, Reply)