Well,
If she's got a cat, then kidnap it.

When she starts to get worried, pretend to look for it for her.

Then fuck it to death, and use a hammer on the corpse.

Post it to her with a crazy, scrawled note that says "You're next".

Be there to comfort her.

Then say that you'll find who did it, and MAKE THEM PAY. (Shake your fist angrily while saying this. It helps.)

Then pay a homeless man £20 to let you beat him up. Take photos, and show them to her, saying you "Sorted him right out".

Then bask in the glow of adoration from her.

Sorted.
( Cawl, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 14:07, Reply)