Chickens
When I was a kid we used to have two chickens as pets. They were boring little fuckers, just used to sit under the shade of the hedge in the garden and wallow in their own filth. I hit on a genius plan to get the little feathery fuckers moving so they could entertain me - I went to the shed, found some meths, went to the kitchen and found my mum's stove matches.

Then I doused part of the hedge above where the two chickens were sitting, looking up at me and clucking inquisitvely as I happily hummed a tune.

Then I set fire to the hedge.

And from that day on the shed had a padlock on it bigger than the Isle of White.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 9:25, Reply)