Man the fuck up
I hope this all makes sense. Dealing with addictions is always a huge fecking mess:

And this is going to sound pansy-ass and hippy-ish but, why not take the boyfriend to a few alanon meetings? They might be able to show him how he is only helping the kid to continue her addictions and creating a hellish life for himself and you in a way that you can't and in a way that doesn't threaten his sense of 'protect my children at all costs'.

Yes, she is his baby. Yes, he is going to be defensive when it comes to her and her behavior. Most anything you say to him, there is a good chance he will take it the wrong way as a knee-jerk reaction because he has to protect his baby. But, depending on how he is handling the situation, he may be secretly thinking everything you are saying but afraid to admit that his kid is doing something wrong because to admit it might make him feel guilty. If he hears it enough times from enough people, perhaps it will help. And they might just have some good ideas on how you guys can either help her or insulate yourselves from her downward spiral.

There is also the possibility that at some point you may have to cut your losses with him. I know you love him and want to support him through a difficult time, but you don't want to do this at the cost of your sense of well-being.

I watched my aunt & uncle go through this with my cousin. They funded her addictions and ignored her bad behavior for too many years. Finally they had to step back and let her hit bottom then figure out how to pick herself back up. And eventually, she did just that but not before she lost everything.

What you are dealing with is hard and it is a long road. Remember though, you have your family and you have your b3tans. We love and admire you and we will be here with hugs, cake, advice, jokes, and the occasional bumming. Now man the fuck up and slap the shit out of the kid for messing up your evening of getting laid.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 7 May 2009, 5:36, Reply)