My granny is a champion bollocks talker.
One of her best was the time she announced to my younger brother, who at the time was a huge wrestling fan, that Hulk Hogan, no less (at the height of his fame) had been present at the opening of the Bushey Agricultural Fair. We pointed out that is was unlikely they could afford him, and showed her a picture of Hulk Hogan. "That's him, dear", she insisted. I think we can safely assume it wasn't.

On another occasion, I was in a shopping centre with her, we went back to the car and it wouldn't start, so we went to the shopping centre information desk, who told her where to find the emergency telephone, and also the red "push to talk" button on the payment machines, if she needed to summon help from the car park. We went back the car park, and had been wandering around for about ten minutes, passing the emergency telephone more than once, as well as the payment machines, before I asked her what she was looking for. "I'm looking for a red telephone, dear". I was ten, and it's still the only time I've shouted at my grandmother.
(badgertastic badgers are people too, Thu 11 Mar 2004, 15:47, Reply)