My ma on how a young lady should behave with a young man
"Always keep one foot on the floor".
I've had a fantastic, contortionistic time working within those constraints.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:52, 34 replies)

Is it to prevent
falling off the bed?

Happened to me once, it smarts.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:55, closed)

or you could go down on all fours
barking is quite the turn on, you know.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:58, closed)

*barks*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:00, closed)

I can actually imagine you doing that now, Bert.

(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:01, closed)

I can actually imagine me doing it now too!
Because I've met myself loads of times.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:03, closed)

it.s so ingrained
that I automatically sleep with one leg out of the bed and a toe brushing the carpet.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:05, closed)

@CHCB
Yeah, but whose leg is it?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:07, closed)

^
guess.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:11, closed)

Are you really giving Bert the total freedom to say/suggest anything he likes?
Maybe you really do belong in the WI.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:12, closed)

Master Magician
David Copperfield?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:14, closed)

I respect Sexmonkey's opinion
and when I say "respect", I mean "tolerate", and when I say "tolerate", I mean "ignore".
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:17, closed)

and when you say "ignore" you mean
"ladyfwap over".
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:22, closed)

yes
*presses 'ignore' fwap 'button'*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:25, closed)

*stares at CHCB pressing her fwap button*

NICE
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:27, closed)

Morning people
I'm busier than Tom Busy, the busiest man in Busytown today, but glad you all survived the night (that said, Enzyme hasn't "popped up" yet, I hope Berts Aunty Sandra didn't do anything nasty to him last night).

Twas lovely to meet you all (well most of you, i'm a bit worried about developing the mouth aids from Kaol face raping me).

*Notices whats going on with CHCBs button*

Hmmmm, nice work aunty!
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:31, closed)

Can we have a quick show of hands?
Who didn't Kaol face rape?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:36, closed)

mornin al the not-so-geordie
I assure you, Enzyme is on the train to Manchester as we speak. That is not a euphemism.

@Gayer- Kaol left the girls alone. Well, sort of... *grins*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:41, closed)

I thought he said he was working from London this morning?
Or was that someone else?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:42, closed)

he is spending today
helping a mate take photos of models for a fashion show or something
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:43, closed)

*makes notes to use 'on the train to manchester' as a euphemism for bumsex in future*

Hi al! How's the Mrs?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:43, closed)

No, that's Kaol,
I was talking about Enzyme :)
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:43, closed)

ah I see
*wishes he had been there last night*

sounds like good fun :-/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:45, closed)

The Mrs is fine thank you Bert
She was a little confused about the question regarding goat and monkey sex, but then again, she was more than a little pissed so it's hardly surprising.

Strangely enough, I'll be going on the train to Manchester with her in October.

*sniggers*
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:49, closed)

@ Al
I loved it towards the end of the evening when everyone was hugging and molesting you and talking about bizarre b3ta things and then there was an audible "AHEM!" from behind you... Never seen a grown man with his tail so far between his legs before. :P
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:53, closed)

Pfft.
Mrs althegeordie takes it up the poop chute.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:53, closed)

Hey bumsexers
hows y'all?
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:56, closed)

No you filthy minded monkeysexer
I meant that we are going up to Manchester.

On the Train.

obviously

*sniggers*

@Gayer - I think the AHEM! was directed at the gentleman who was busy groping my man breasts at the time

Edit - Morning MM, did you have a sex monkey in your spare room last night?
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:58, closed)

Ah,
who was doing that then?

@ MM
Mornin' m'lady *curtsies* how's ye head?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:59, closed)

MM!
mornin! You were the suprise of the evening as I expected you to be a 40-sthg chainsmoking Jazz Age Paris bordello madam with crimson lipstick. You were even nicer than that though, bonus!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:59, closed)

@CHCB
actually, thats a bit like how I imagine Bob Fossil, but looking more like Kristen Scott Thomas and with the cigarettes in a long holder.

Edit - but I agree, MM was a lovely surprise, especially when the HobNobs came out.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:02, closed)

Good morning again, M&M
@al nope, that naughty little minx let me down because she didn't want her boyfriend getting the wrong idea.

I stayed at Becky's, very nice it was too.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:05, closed)

It seems like Kaol
Has forgotten his own rule about not having a penis.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:11, closed)

@ Spakka
I think that's just something he does online to make all the menfolk go. If we'd known he was a closet gay and wanted to molest us all we wouldn't have gone...

Oh... wait... Nevermind.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:14, closed)

Shame we missed it...
Would have loved to have seen you all. Any pics from the bash yet?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:10, closed)