Advice from Old PeopleSometimes, just sometimes, old people say something worth listening to. Ok, so it's like picking the needle out of a whole haystack of mis-remembered war stories, but those gems should be celebrated.
Tell us something worthwhile an old-type person has told you.
Note, we're leaving the definition of old up to you, you smooth-skinned youngsters.
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chthonic, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 16:16)
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A great man...My old Uncle Bill told me the following just before he shot me full of smack and raped my arse:
Never interfere in a boy and girl fight.
Beware of whores who say they don't want money. The hell they don't. What they mean is they want more money. Much more.
If you're doing business with a religious son of a bitch, get it in writing. His word isn't worth shit, not with the good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.
Avoid fuckups. You all know the type. Anything they have anything to do with, no matter how good it sounds, turns into a disaster.
Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill. Tell them firmly, "I am not paid to listen to this drivel. You are a terminal fool."
Now some of you may encounter the devil's bargain if you get that far. Any old soul is worth saving at least to a priest, but not every soul is worth buying. So you can take the offer as a compliment. They charge the easy ones first, you know, like money, all the money there is. But who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetery? Not much to spend it on, eh, Gramps? Getting too old to cut the mustard. Have you forgotten something, Gramps? In order to feel something, you have to be there. You have to be 18. You're not 18, you are 78. Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.
How about an honorable bargain? "You always wanted to become a doctor. Now's your chance. Why, you could have become a great healer and benefit humanity. What's wrong with that?" Just about everything. There are no honorable bargains involving exchange of qualitative merchandise like souls. Just quantitative merchandise like time and money. So piss off, Satan, and don't take me for dumber than I look. As an old junk pusher told me, "Watch whose money you pick up."
Right on Uncle Bill!
(, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:48, 4 replies)
This..."Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill. Tell them firmly, "I am not paid to listen to this drivel. You are a terminal fool."
never fails to make me laugh.
(, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:52, closed)
Fresh from InterzoneDid I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk?
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Tepid_Halibut felt like a cold, empty shell of a human...until, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:56,
closed)
Fellow InterzonersIf you havent already got it, the spoken word version is even funnier as he draaaaawls certain words like 'spaaaaare ass aaaaannnie'.
Bless him
(, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:01, closed)
Here you go...youtube.com/watch?v=scU3WE560Gc
If you weren't sure what was going on, here's the track "Words of Advice" from Bill Laswell's band Material on the Album "Hallucination Engine", featuring William S. Burroughs.
(, Sat 21 Jun 2008, 10:25, closed)
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