I'm four times the age of the little rotters I teach.
Most of my day is spent caring for your mewling, puking offspring.
There are various bits of advice I'm guaranteed to dish out at least once per working day.

These have been taught to me by very dear older folk (teachers, parents, grandparents, and in one case, Judy Blume...), often at Behavioural Modification seminars, which are surprisingly useful. If you're a teacher, I recommend them.

When they fight over favourite toys:
"Sharing is taking equal turns, or dividing into equal parts. Which one will you do this time?"

When they get hurt:
"Put an icepack on it."

When they hurt someone else:
"Say 'Sorry, it was an accident. Are you OK?" If they're not OK, take them to the office, and put an icepack on it."

When someone's being teasing them:
"Stick your hand in their face, say 'WHAT-EVER!' and walk away. I'll be watching to check you're OK."

When they've made a mistake in a precious artwork, or ripped a favourite piece of clothing:
"If you can't hide it, flaunt it. Every fault's a fashion."

And when they're stretching the boundaries, I bring out my all-time favourite:

"Just because you CAN, doesn't mean you SHOULD."

That one's my universal advice line. It's helped me modify the behaviour of a wide range of people: from the circus enthusiast 7-year-old who wanted to tight-rope walk across the top of the monkeybars, to my Warhammer enthusiast 12-year-olds who wanted to melt styrofoam with superglue in a closed, heated room; to the mingeing, craven little slapper who thought she just couldn't prevent herself humping my monogamous man-pal because It Was True Love. Codswallop. Everyone has choices.
(bezoar, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 11:22, 6 replies)

hmm
When someone's being teasing them:
"Stick your hand in their face,
say 'WHAT-EVER!' and walk away.

Sticking your hand in someones face is not necessarily a good idea; it can be interpreted as both aggressive and a provocation (whether you touch them or not).

I'd suggest e.g. "Please go away", and keep the body language less confrontational - eg just holding up a hand at chest height.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 11:40, closed)

it all depends on how
you stick it in theor face, i mean if its with a closed fist and at a high rate of knots it might work, but i dont think teachers should be advocating that sort of thing (im so much less funny than i think i am )
(pogo_it, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 12:19, closed)

Encouraging kids
to stick up their hands and go "Whatever" sounds like a training course for rancid little chavvy girls to me.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 12:37, closed)

...
"to the mingeing, craven little slapper who thought she just couldn't prevent herself humping my monogamous man-pal because It Was True Love. Codswallop. Everyone has choices"
including, presumably, your monogamous man-pal...?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 13:19, closed)

re: I'm four times...
Haberman: what they do is the universal sign for "Stop" with their hand. and they do it closer to the face than to the body, as that way it stops the other kid mid-tease. It's the only thing that's taught resilience to my gaggle of 5yo drama queens, who otherwise cry and race for a teacher when other girls tell them they "can't come for a sleep-over" or "aren't my best friend anymore".
Sadly, "please go away" doesn't work in the "class full of bitchy 5 year olds" context, or any other. It just isn't assertive enough. Mind you we have another four stages of safe assertive behaviour that we work through, with adult supervision, if our "active ignoring" doesn't work, including the tried and true, "Stop it, I DON'T LIKE IT!" (Bitch!)

pogo_it: *grimace* Yeah, it's been a few years since teachers advocated that kind of tactic. Silly fuckers. I know at least one kid who ended up with a juvenile record and some astounding third-party medical bills because of teachers like that.

althegeordie: Yep, valley-girls in the making, but they were well on their way already, sadly... they just cried more. This way, I'm introducing them to the idea that peers who verbally bully lose their power if you don't let them distress you. Mind you I'm just waiting for the parents to start coming in enraged because their pigtailed darling used it on them at the dinner table...

CHCB: Yep, and the quickly-made-ex-manpal admitted he'd had a choice and made a particularly shit and hurtful one. Whereas the ex-best-friend believed she had noooo choice because it was true love on her side... oh dear such people are mingers.
(bezoar, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 9:08, closed)

it's nice to have a technique ...
... that works on other five year olds; but less useful to have one that adults may well find stupid, annoying, or provocative.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 15:47, closed)