Disciplinary hearings at work
An office. A sleazebag.

He sat next to me and we hated each other. He was barred from visiting the Human Resources department (100% female), because he would drop in for a chat daily and waste half an hour of their time.

Anyhoo, I heard him on the phone one day saying he had to visit them, and was amused to hear him re-iterate several times that "yes, it's work related, honestly".

So I penned an email, that went roughly like:
`LOSER VISITS HR IN SHOCK WORK RELATED MATTER
A loser from Assessment today visited Human Resources to discuss something actually connected with his dull day job. Andy ***********, 12, of no fixed abode, was allowed to speak to HR on condition that he wasn't to stare at their clevages and dribble, or clap relentlessly like an overfed seal at some weak half-joke he'd made.'

Anyway, I sent it, probably unwisely, to the women in HR. I had imagined that it would give them something to giggle at while he stared at their clevages.

I didn't imagine that Andy would be drooling down the back of one of the girls as he helped her 'fix' her email. He then read it, had a hissy fit, forwarded it to himself, and proceeded to get me sacked on spurious email abuse charges.

Unfortunately for him I sent it during my lunchbreak, plus he was roundly despised by everyone with a womb for being a sex pest. If my job was seriously on the line, I had at least one friend willing to offer the sexually explicit emails he'd been sending her at work. The others didn't want to cause a fuss. Don't count on anyone when you're in the shit.

Nevertheless, we had to go through with the tedious and timewasting disciplinary hearings whereby he said I was the sex pest as he'd suddenly decided within the hour that he was bisexual. Shame that I and no-one else knew that, and I couldn't have cared less anyway.

It came to nothing, many people said it brightened their week (including two managers), and I got drunk for free for at least two days, mainly from women and the company football team. There is a god.

By the way, that moron has switched jobs and is still out there sleazing his way through women and cheating on his missus who apparently 'doesn't mind'. He even pestered one of my female friends to stay the night within a few hours of dribbling at her, saying she could wear his girlfriend's clothes the next day. Womenkind, you have been warned.
(Boris Webshite, Mon 30 May 2005, 22:17, Reply)