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This is a question The Onosecond

Wired magazine once defined the 'onosecond' as the time between hitting 'send' and realising that you really didn't mean to send that to your granny.

What inappropriate email/text/photo have you sent to wrong people? Are they speaking to you any more?

(, Thu 26 May 2005, 10:15)
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OH NO, with a vengeance
Was at work with a colleague when the IT dude came in to upgrade something on all the computers, and asked my colleague to log on for him. Colleague logs on and while I watch disinterestedly, waiting for him to get back to our conversation, I witness the colleague's screen wink into life, displaying the most sensationally in-your-face full frontal gynacological display of female map of Tassie from the email the boss had sent him ten minutes earlier, which he had forgotten to shut down after viewing. Colleage's face turns beet red, IT dude (who is a religious chap aged about 60) calmly waits for my now sweating colleage to close the offending view of the full-on beaver shot with googly eyes photoshopped on top with the words "Kiss Me" emblazoned beneath. He was never able to meet the IT dude's eyes ever again, and resigned shortly after.

For once, I wasn't the one who cocked up. Nice one Big Man.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:47, Reply)
Not me but a colleague
Colleague in NY (for reasons probably best not discussed) sent some scat pictures to another colleague in Jersey (the island not the state!).

For a laugh, he forwarded the mail back with a message that "Sorry I am out of the office this week but all my mail is being forwarded to Mrs XYZ Senior Director who will deal with all queries".

Not suprisingly the NY colleague nearly re-enacted some of the pictures. After stringing him along for a few days we explained all was OK.......

I never apologise for length - I simply fold it in half and kill two birds with one stroke....
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:44, Reply)
About a year ago
I was desperately trying to get a job (hmm, some things never change). One stunningly attractive semi-friend of mine told me the place she worked at was recruiting and got me an application form. She even signed the little bit saying "this person is a friend of someone who works here, and they're wonderful, let them have a job". Anyway, as she worked there most days I was expect her to pass the message onto me if and when I got an interview.

Was on a day out in York when I receive a text. Inside were detailed the time and location of my interview. Now as I was also trying to get into her pants at the time* and so I sent a rather over-cute text message back implying how grateful I was for her help. Something along the lines of "thank you thank you thank you x 1000, you are a STAR". With extra along the same lines. Sent the text, and then in wonder re-read the text message.

Pressed the down button once more, and reallised with horror that the text message had come from my dislikeable stepmother, who had taken the phonecall detailing the interview, and my reply was winging its way to her as I stood open-mouthed in shock.

She never did mention my response.

*Note- in the end I was unsuccessful
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:44, Reply)
You don't want to be *ahem* playing with your girlfriend,
with your cell phone in your soon-to-be-removed trousers, trust me. You might accidentally call her mother, of all people. And what did the cunt do when she realised it was a mistake? Did she hang up? No, of course not, she listened in for a whole 10 minutes (cost me quite a bit of money too), during which inappropriate things were said and ditto sounds were screamed. Then, in the heat of the action, she started shouting "Hello, anyone there!?" at the top of her voice, just to make sure we'd know that she had heard everything. Total embarrassment ensued.

Family dinners at her place have never been the same again.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:43, Reply)
I was too young to read numbers anyway!
Remember an incident many years ago. My sister and I were just nippers at the time. It used to be the case that, every saturday night, our neighbours from over the street would come over and generally get drunk and play Trivial pursuit with my parents.

The night was getting on a bit and still no sign of said neighbours, so my dad decides to give them a cheeky phone call to see where they are. However, me being so young and never used a phone before wanted to dial the number, (can you see where this is going?). My dad, a bit worse-for-wear decides it would also be a laugh to have my sister utter the line "My dad says you've to hurry up and get your arse over here!" as soon as the neighbours answered the phone.

How was I to know the neighbour's phone number was only one didgit different from that of Mototrola security desk.

"Excuse me miss,can I speak to your dad please?", followed by muchos apologies from my da to the peeved security controller on the recieving end of my sister's line.

Long time lurker, first time poster. No apologies, for anything.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:40, Reply)
Novell networks (again)
At our school, it's possible to send instant messages through the network. Simply locate the username of a friend, type away and click send. Very useful in Maths when our super-strict and psychopathic teacher is doing work on his laptop. His hearing might be good, but he can't catch our e-mails.
The usernames at school use the persons initails and a number at the end. For example, Robert Thomas Smith becomes RTS1. So naturally, when sending a message to my mate Michael Jack Finley, MJF1 looked to be the best choice. So I sent him a message along the lines of 'Oi! What the fuck are you doing, you midget shit!'
Feeling quite pleased with myself, I scrolled down the page only to see an MJF2 on the list. Look up, and see my teacher (Michael Something Ford) steaming down on me . Let's just say I've only just got out of detention, and I'm leaving my school in a couple of weeks.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:40, Reply)
I had a mate who'd asked me if he could borrow some err, female anatomy research material on DVD or burnt CD of pictures copied from the Net.

So I replied with a list of DVDs and the 2gb of downloads I had collected over 15 years of bulleten board downloads in my youth.

It wasn't until 2 days later I saw the post in a newsgroup (alt.music.thebandsname) where I had been (up until that point) quite a respected member.

Damn Outlook Express and my idiocy.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:26, Reply)
I accidentally sent a photo of my erect cock to my mate's hotmail address. 3 times.
It's an easy enough mistake to make...
I had bought a new phone and wanted to transfer picture from the old one to it. I couldn't use bluetooth or infrared so I tried to send them as multimedia messages instead. I had the photo because I'd seen my girlfriend over the weekend and she had been taking risqué photos of us for a laugh. In hindsight it was a poor choice of test pic, something I realised as I slipped and hit send on the first name which was in my address book (Andy) instead of sending to my own new number. The second I realised what had happened, I turned the phone off but it seems that Nokias are cleverer than that and send it when you turn the handset back on. Ever since he has made a point of telling every person I know and regularly brings it up again in the pub just for humiliating effect. The cunt. I have no idea why it sent three times either. It just did and that only serves to make it thrice as embarassing.
edit: And my parents know about this too. They think it is fucking hilarious.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:26, Reply)
I have a strange kind of humour at the best of times, but unleash it more when drunk...

So one of my tutors is heavily into LOTR. And for some strange reason I know she is newly married. After getting four hours sleep in the previous 48 and finishing two essays, I start drinking immediately. After several pints of stella I switched from PS to the net and found the LOTR pic below. I remembered I had not thanked her for giving me a potentially year-saving week's extension on the essay so proceeded to email her. At the end of the email I finished:

"Oh, by the way saw this and thought of you (don't worry, I know you're married)."

Don't worry, I know you're married.


As I sent this it was a drink delayed Onosecond. Needless to say she (who always replied pretty sharpish) completely ignored email, until I had to email her again for a query a couple of weeks later and received the most unpersonalised email possible, re-assuring me that she thought myself to be a stalker (she was American as well, which doesn't help things on the let's be rational scale ho ho).


It's a shame Lennon didn't have one of these, boom boom.

(He really shouldn't have ordered the death of all those poor Russians moob moob).
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:20, Reply)
I sent
a text to my girlfriend asking if we should go clubbing.
Unfortunately i accidentally sent it to the nightclub bouncer, who returned my text stating he couldn't accept it as i had trainers on.

(reaches for coat).
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:20, Reply)
the dangers of mailing lists
a friend who works in a rather big college with me was trying to forward that lovely powerpoint pres with all those lovely old women in the buff (entitled something like '50 years of playboy') to a friend of his. he managed to send it to a mailing list with 6 middle aged women on including the head of the LRC. luckily i was on the same list so i managed to run around the college deleting said magic p45 producing email... whoopsy! i never let him forget it either!
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:16, Reply)
You'll never work in this town again
A Civil Engineer friend had a job for a massive company which mainly involved surfing the interweb and generally doing nowt. He composed an e-mail to a mate telling him what a top skive it was and how stupid his boss was etc. He sent it to the Chairman. He was fired at 9.01 the next day.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:16, Reply)
P45 time.....
Almost managed to get myself the sack at current job when I first started. Workmate forwarded me some document to then send onto one of our customers. I noticed a second attachent when forwarding said email, but thought it was just a text document of email addresses or whatnot.
Only when I got a furious call from said customer did I investigate what this second phantom attachment was. I open it to find a picture of the biggest, hairiest spred legged gash I have ever encountered, or ever want to encounter.
Luckily, much back peddling and finger pointing saved my self from the ultimate p45 shame......
Take my length and gag, grrr!
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:16, Reply)
Novell send message - oh bugger
Let me set the scene.

In our big office everyone has their own ink jet printer. In an attempt to make things easier, and to stop everyone having their own supply, I put all of the different cartridges on one shelf in the cupboard.

Seems trivial but it saves about £4000 in stock.

One chap decides he should have his own stock even thought the cupboard is 10m from his desk. Cue him arguing with my pal who sits next to me as to why he should have his own way. Bit of sport I thought... for the first ten minutes... It then got boring...

In the end sent a message to my pal saying

"Let him have what he wants, it'll be easier"...


The other chap now looks at his screen somewhat puzzled, then looks at me. Somehow through gestures and pulled faces I got him to believe I meant to send it to him and was taking the mick out of my pal.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:15, Reply)
Not exactely a text, more of a phone call
Right I happen to know two people called Matt, one lets call him ginger (cos hes ginger) who is my boyfriends mate and the other one let call him loser (because he is one) who is the twunt I know from uni.
I happen to have gingers number on my phone as 'matt' and also losers number as 'matt' cos I forgot I had gingers number.
Forward to a nite out with my boyfriend and ginger. ginger is late so I find his number on my phone to my boyfriend, the conversation goes like this:
bf: 'where the fuck are ya?'
matt: 'wha????'
bf: 'we're in Garrats, get your ass down here'
Thats when I realise that its loser not ginger, didnt cause any trouble but my boyfriend look like a twunt! haha
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:14, Reply)
Advanced warning
I once texted my girlfriend a romantic message letting her know how much and how deeply I cared for her and *ahem* how much and how deeply I was going to demonstrate such affection the next time we met.

When she received the message, my girlfriend was very appreciative of my sentiments but a bit surprised by the text as we had been living together for 9 years and she was in the next room at the time. She was also a bit puzzled by one strange word used right at the start of the message, which I explained as a predictive text misunderstanding.

Much to her disappointment, she later discovered that the message had been intended not for her but for the new-and-improved model that I was replacing her with, for whom the strange word was my pet name.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:12, Reply)
I have a freind who is so paranoid about doing this. Whenever we go out on the piss and take the piss out of the women (we all do it) or talk about other women, before he says anything bad he gets his phone out of his pcoket to check he hasnt accidently called her by his jeans pressing the correct buttons.

He also does the same action when there are any gay or racist jokes to make sure he is not calling anyone meeting that description.

*Me and my freinds are NOT racist homophobes who hate our women, we just joke around.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:09, Reply)
Another one...
Not a misplaced recipient, but definitely an OHNOSECOND. I accidentally ticked the wrong box once and took down the webserver which contained the sites for 400 schools in the local county. For 2 days. And It's not like the box was called -

Knack the whole lot?: [_]

Good lord.

In fact now that I think about it, about one in 10 pieces of critical equipment rebooted by my hand in the last year has resulted in a sphincter twitchingly long pause before either limping back to life, or collapsing in a heap.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:08, Reply)
Damn texts messages
Wrote a rather saucy text to the ladyfriend about all the things I had planned for her that night.

Sent it to a mate whose name came next to hers. He then preceded to forward it on.

The shame.

As close to a FP as I'm ever going to get...
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:04, Reply)
I'm free!
Upon breaking up with a girlfriend a few years back (I'd been trying to spilt with her for a good 10months)), I sent a text to a friend "Finally broken up with the mental woman, I'm free as a bird!"
Only realised I'd sent it to the wrong person when I got a reply from the now-ex g/f stating "I think you sent this to the wrong person"

Still, 4 years on, I'm off to see her next w-end for the second time since then for some hopeful pokey-pokey fun
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:02, Reply)
major error
i managed to implicate myself in one of the very well known email errors of a couple of years ago - anyone remember Claire Swires

need i say more
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:02, Reply)
Composed a text to my mate/colleague explaining that I was going to take a sickie...

sent it to boss....

Didn't last much longer at that job...

Be gentle... long time lurker - just popped my cherry.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:01, Reply)
Nother one...
A few years back, a mate was in town with his gf on a lovely summers day and there was plently of scantily clad ladies around, so he sent me a txt

"Mate, plently of top class minky in town!"

But no, he accidentally sent it to his gf instead. I understand she was not happy at all and plently of grovelling was needed by him. hahaha
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:00, Reply)
Bad things.....
Sending SMS to your mum about picking up shipments of strange substances is not cool........
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 11:00, Reply)
Sinking feeling...
In the process of designing the early part of our unfortunate (but necessary) redundancies, we needed to think about which office would be worst hit.

I printed the results...


Only printed the whole report 13 times (appropriate, eh), to the unfortunate office we were planning to decimate. To every printer

Thank the Lord for the admin team there, they manned the printers, gathered the printouts and shredded them.

I'm a useless twunt, I know.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 10:59, Reply)
curse being drunk
i was drunk and not just a little bit and sent a wonderful text of love and smut to my gf but somehow managed to send it to the girl i actually really fancied. ooopps

dumped my gf of three years to go out with the text reciepient. still together 17 months later. wooo

i regularly apposogise for length

(, Thu 26 May 2005, 10:57, Reply)
3rd post
Last week i sent an joke email to my bro Peter... it was a little powerpoint presentatin along the lines of,
"its the weekend so here is a little reminder, YOUR A TOSSER, oh and YOUR A HOMO!"

This would have been a great laugh if i had actually sent it to my bro and not another client called Peter.

[edit] bollocks!! 4th post :o(
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 10:56, Reply)
I was at a Radiohead gig...
And my new girlfriend was there too, though she'd gone off into hiding because my old girlfriend was stalking the arena, thirsty for blood...my dad texted me and asked if I'd be coming home and I replied, telling him I was having a great time but would probably see him tomorrow.

Well, the text went to the new girlfriend...who presumed I'd got back together with the old one and was giving her the most tactless brush-off the world had ever seen. Yikes.

Caught up with her later though, and drenched in rainwater we had a very romantic getting-back-together and had sex in my friend's dad's study. Yay!
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 10:55, Reply)
Far too many times have I sent an MSN bitching about someone. To them.

It's Evil. (Either that or I'm an idiot).

Edit: It's also amazing how quickly one can unplug a network cable when there's an e-mail in the outbox implying that a client is a twat. It should be an Olympic discipline.
(, Thu 26 May 2005, 10:54, Reply)

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