A few things
I've been in crowd shots at various Gillingham home games, live gigs (Garbage on MTV's 5 Nite Stand in 2002, I can be seen in the crowd turning to a friend and mouthing "phwoar!") and I've walked past the local news cameras in town far too often.

But a few weeks ago my Dad gets a call from one of the members of his bike club. BBC Breakfast are doing a piece on the new swerve test (as has been recently added to the full motorbike test) and the controversy therein. Was he free to appear in the background riding a CB125 around a test circuit?

Well, no, as it turns out. But he quite happily nominates his first-born to take his place. Fine, says I, it's on my day off anyway. No problem. Need to be there at 6? That's great, doesn't even cut into my day.

It was at this point that I should have asked which 6 o'clock it was.

The night before I end up drinking rather more than I should, still assuming that it was filmed in the evening for the next day and that I would have time to recover. It came as a bit of a shock to be woken up at half past 5 with a mug of tea and a pleasant reminder that I was due at the test centre in half an hour and I would be dropped off by Dad on his way to work. Fucksocks.

Luckily my helmet (fnarr) hid my extremely peaky condition, and despite the shakes and the sweats I managed to ride around the circuit at slow speeds while the presenter did her bit to camera. They cut to a pre-recorded interview of the chap from Motorcycle Action Group and I dismounted, in search of more tea and fried pig products.

"That's great" said the cameraman/producer, "we're nearly done, we just need you to demonstrate the swerve test when we return from the clip."

"The sw-what?"

"What all this fuss is about. Just ride at those two cones at 30 mph and swerve around them."

This would be fine. It's a manoeuvre I've done hundreds of times while riding, and I'd have a helmet on to cover my shame, wouldn't I? I got the bike into position, took several deep breaths to calm my nerves and awaited the signal. As the show returned to the live feed I saw the cameraman wave and I set off, doing my damndest to keep the bike upright on wet tarmac. As I approached the cones at slightly less than the required speed I felt the bike wobble and the back end slip slightly. I held on and prayed I wouldn't bugger up Dad's mate's bike. As I passed the first cone I clipped it slightly, seeing it wobble but I made it round the second upright! I had done it! I'd not made a prat of myself on live TV! I'd passed a national bike test while hungover! I'd clearly not watched where I was going, and ridden into a privet hedge!

Arse.

I later found out that you could clearly see a few instructors doubled up with laughter in the background of the clip.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 23:14, 4 replies)

I remember watching that!
Which is worth a click on its own!
(Capo, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 23:23, closed)

Please, please tell me you at least have a copy.
I need to see this.
( Maladicta, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 0:08, closed)

Thanks for the laughs, but
I think you've just got me sacked for reading b3ta while at work...

So I've got something to laugh at during my now extended free time, any chance of a copy of the video making its way to youtube?
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:53, closed)

I saw that

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:58, closed)