BIRD WATCHING
I spent one summer holiday from school masturbating furiously over the supine, bronzed figure of the PE teacher who lived next door as she sunbathed in her garden wearing a couple of postage stamp sized bits of fabric over her nipples and a set of bikini bottoms you could floss your teeth with. I’d be up in my bedroom, peeking out a slit in the shut blinds, nearly fainting from the effort of pulling one off seven or eight times in one session. (The woman next door was beautiful, I mean really beautiful. She could’ve been one of Face’s squeezes on the A-Team, that’s how fucking hot she was).

My best mates Terry and Greg wanted in on the action. (Not that they wanted to wank me off, no, but they desperately wanted to see this nubile young woman doing her yoga, meditation and fuck knows what else, wearing little more than a cheeky smile). Terry and Greg popped round one time and we spent an afternoon hunched round my bedroom window, shaking with excitement, watching...

...absolutely fuck all. - The next door neighbour wasn’t in that day. The three of us were sat there getting semi erect gazing out over an empty lawn (nice lawn, don’t get me wrong – but not a sexy lawn). So Terry hit upon a plan. His old man had one of these new fangled video camcorder things...

An hour or so later it was set up on a tripod in my bedroom. All I had to do was press this little red button and the hot lady next door would be captured on video for us all to view and review at our leisure; it was a bit like setting up a trap to capture a fleeting glimpse of bigfoot, only this girl didn’t have big feet and all over body hair. Terry and Greg fucked off and left me to it. I went and had my tea. Watched Thundercats. Drank some Vimto. Then I slinked back upstairs to my room.

She was OUT!!! And she was wearing almost FUCK ALL!!!

I raced over to the video camera, pissed about with the red RECORD button and jabbed the fucker into action... Then I sat back and enjoyed the show as my next door neighbour applied suntan lotion to her lovely long legs and flat stomach. After an hour or so, I phoned Greg and told him I was coming round to his with the tape. I quickly rewound it and nearly fell off my BMX on the way over, I was that fucking excited. When I got to Greg’s, Terry was there too. And Terry’s older brother and one of his mates (apparently this mate had once fucked a real live dog), had tagged along for a bit of PE teacher hot sunbathing sex (well, no sex actually) action.

We sat on Greg’s sofa. A bottle of Pepsi. Some chipsticks. Lovely. Greg fiddled with the VCR and pressed PLAY, and the tape started.

And we sat back.

And an image flashed up on screen. And we watched...

... for about a minute.

“AWWWWWWWWW, FUCK’S SAKE, SPANKY!!!” said Terry’s brother.

At the shouting Greg’s mum burst into the living room (she usually kept out of his way when he had guests round, but she couldn’t abide swearing under her roof), and she froze when she saw the image on screen. She froze like a fucking horrified statue.

Greg shot out his seat and attempted to switch the tape off, spilling Pepsi and chipsticks all over his mum’s new white rug. Then the screen went gray. But the damage had been done. The image had been burned into everyone’s retinas. It seems that in my eagerness to press the RECORD button I’d somehow knocked the tripod, so the camera was no longer pointing into next door’s garden. Instead the camera had autofocused on a part of my bedroom near the window. The place where, after pressing RECORD, I’d stood, pulled down my kegs in one quick motion and angrily cranked one off (with accompanying growling and whimpering noises), as I gazed wantonly at the lovely lady next door applying her Ambre Solaire.

(My mum asked me later that year why Greg’s parents hadn’t sent them a Christmas card like they usually did. I lied and said Greg’s parents had become athiests)...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:33, 6 replies)

I just clicked 'I like this!'...
...really? I like the image of you tugging yourself off? You learn something new every day.

Let's just say that the *click* was for the Face reference - the true 80's ladies man. I'd feel better about myself if that was the case.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:53, closed)

"clickity click
you've got cum on your clit"

loving the whimpering and growling tug job

you nasty nasty despoiler
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:36, closed)

Every bleedin' time!
Either you've had a very unfortunate/disturbing life, or you love stories about bodily fluids. I'm going to go with the life thing.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:43, closed)

filth
Is it just me or is Spanky the new god of QOTW?
(themanfromdelmonte, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 18:02, closed)

VOIDH
that is all :D
(neorockz :), Wed 17 Jun 2009, 18:04, closed)

Have a click
You sick, hilarious deviant, you.
(Big D, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 21:59, closed)