Badger Badger Badger
Having auditioned for the part of the aforementioned meles meles (what a fantastic latin name for a badger, it's so badgery) in my school's production of The Wind in the Willows I was unhappy to be given the part of Mole. I mean it's bad enough that they made everybody do it in the first place but at least Badger has some bloody balls unlike the sniveling bugger I had to play, I mean I had my reputation as a nasty little psycho to protect and how the hell was I to do that as a mole? Luckily fate was to provide as we shall see. Anyway, much pain and practise later it comes to Opening Night! Toad Hall is about to be stormed and various vermin thrown out on their fury ears. I let loose my fearsome scripted battle cry of "A Mole, A Mole!", which is by far and away the least effective such shout ever devised in the field of combat, and charge along with Ratty, Toad and Badger into the heat of the fight. Here's where I feel there was a slight misjudgement on the part of the drama teacher. Who would actually give out real oaken staffs to a bunch of vicious ten year olds? Especially when the kid that was playing Chief Weasel was detestable thief with a nasty habbit of trying to steal everything of value that the the now enraged, tactically aware and heavily armed Mole possesed, as well as trying to generally piss him off no end, safe in the knowledge that he could run faster. Much method acting later he is dragged off by some less well battered ferrets and I and my comrades launch into the final number knowing full well that come morning this is going to require an explanation. The video is still in much demand on Christmas mornings in my household, my father going so far as to claim it's the only school funtion he's ever enjoyed going to.
(mrbastard, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 12:37, Reply)