Thankfully I've never had anything *really* painful like an injury
but just a few weeks ago I came down with one of the most horrendous illnesses of my life. I'd been to work and that was fine. I went out and played softball after work, drank a couple of tinnies during the game, that was fine too. Walked back from the park to a friend's house and on the way I belched. It tasted like black olives, which was weird because it had been a couple of weeks since I'd last eaten olives of any colour.

I stayed at my friend's house for a bit, but by now I was starting to feel a teensy bit rough. Belched up some more olive taste and began to realise that something unholy was happening to me, so I made my excuses and left, walking the five minutes back to my house. About three minutes into the journey the belching got worse and my bowels started spasming so much I had to clench them and waddle home for fear of shitting myself. I'd just about made it home and safely onto the toilet when satan's brown liquid brother erupted from my poor tender bumhole. Immediately I had to jump up and reposition myself so that I could eject something similar from my mouth.

Shaken, I had a drink of water and retired to bed, but I hadn't been there five minutes when the whole business started up again - first the liquid shit, then the vomit. Had a sip of water (to prevent the horrible dehydration) and staggered back to bed. Rinse and repeat for the next twelve hours solid - I'd got in at 8:30pm and my tortured sphincter didn't stop crop-spraying until 8:30 the next morning, the sort of time I'd usually be getting into work. By this point my legs were so badly cramped and curled up it was like walking on claws, I was in absolute agony and starting to hallucinate. Terrified of dehydrating too badly I was still sipping water between heaves, but my body just didn't want to hang onto it; yet it was in such tiny quantities I was mostly just dry heaving at the end. And yet it still wouldn't stop.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 18:14, 4 replies)

Better than water,
add 1tsp/litre salt and 4-5tsp/litre sugar to water or dilute orange juice, to make up for the salts and sugars lost and stop cramping and things - it's the imbalance of ions as well as the dehydration that kills people with diarrhoea and vomiting if it goes on too long.

That, or have some sachets of dioralyte in the medicine cabinet. Tastes horrible, but makes you feel a bit better if you can keep it down.

Apparently children's wards in hospitals use flat coca-cola too, if the kids can't keep anything else down, though I've never tried that myself.
(epinephrine, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 23:03, closed)

Flat cola works a treat.
My father used to work in the jungle an awful lot, and said the best thing for rehydrating his students is flat coke: it's less likely to induce nausea, and has a good amount of sugar in it. Adding a pinch of salt is also a good idea. They used to use Gatorade, but that tastes like syphilitic piss and makes me hurl.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 10:37, closed)

Powerade
Blue or red, your choice, but it's the absolute bollocks for rehydrating. Doesn't do much for salt levels, I grant you, but a hell of a lot better than water.
(bblgoose, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 10:45, closed)

I had almost exactly the same thing a couple of weeks ago. Eventually my partner called an ambulance (waaaaaahh), as I was wretching so hard I couldn't breathe.

Hospital. Anti-emetic injection. Five minutes passes. Absolutely fine.

They should market that stuff. I'd also fully recommend ringing an ambulance because you can't stop shitting/vomiting, the call handlers laugh and the paramedics look terrified
(bolshevette, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 14:45, closed)