Two words that still make me shiver:
Testicular Torsion.

Rewritten.

And let it be said once again: I was a massive idiot about it and I'm lucky to still have anything at all.

I rolled out of bed one morning and caught one of the nuts on the way over between my legs. It twisted (well, I didn't know that part). It didn't even hurt that much, but similar squeezes had occured before so I thought nothing of it. Then during the day I got a massive headache, and my balls didn't really hurt, I was more delirious because of the headache so the doctor didn't even think to ask me for a urine sample or anything because, well, I was complaining about the headache.

Eventually though, the pain down there started. I say down there, but it actually felt like my balls had a mass of six kilos (by this time they'd certainly swollen up to that point, I'd say tennis-ball sized) and my kidneys were attached to them. But I had to fly to uni that day! So I flew.

Doctor there takes a urine sample, there's blood in it so he sends me for an appointment to the urogolist. the next day!

So in all it had been 3 and a half days and the urologist, after a quick ultrasound scan of course knew exactly what was up. He told me in no uncertain terms that due to waiting so long (you're supposed to operate as soon as it occurs, basically) I was probably going to lose both. Devastated, I burst into tears - freshers week, my first year of uni and not to mention the rest of my life were ruined; I'd never have (my own) kids, sex would be a lie, he explained I'd need to take testosterone treatment or something... memories of what he told me from then on are fairly hazy because I was busy thinking that I'd have fake nuts...

I was immediately sent to hospital and had emergency surgery on my left bollock to untwist it, where luckily only a tiny little bit had died and had to be cut off - the rest was fine, the right one untouched. I remember being rolled into the operating theatre on a bed in tears and, unusually, praying.

I was lucky (or, well, God intervened on my behalf): it had only half-twisted, so there was still some blood flowing.

As soon as I woke up the surgeon was there, his face as straight as ever as he told me I was without a doubt the luckiest testicular torsion patient he'd ever had, considering the circumstances, and that he'd saved them. I thanked him profusely.

I was in hospital for another 5 days to recover a little and received a kind of jockstrap for them to rest in (I wasn't supposed to take it off), and during that time I was visited by medicine students twice (women had to wait outside, thankfully). It was fun seeing their faces when they saw the massive, still very red stitches.

6 weeks later I was flailing around on top of what is still my girlfriend 3 and a half years on!

moral of the story: Feel a pinch down there? Swelling? Go straight to A&E.

length? Not affected in the slightest
( morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 2:58, 3 replies)

I
Couldn't bring myself to read this properly. Even skimming it made me cross my legs.
(Darramouss Powered by Monster Munch and hate., Fri 30 Jul 2010, 3:32, closed)

Me too
and I'm a girl!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 8:06, closed)

I've just read that through
And am not sure whether to call you lucky, or a dumb motherfucker. Must admit though, I'd likely do something similar.

Either way, *click*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 12:38, closed)