First of many and lots of words
About 10-12 years ago I was at a party in Belfast on a very cold November night. The night was ok, we went to a place called the Chicago Pizza Pie Factory, we got drunk, we laughed...I failed to pull....they all laughed more. But it was a good night.

Outside at about 1am we were waiting for our mini-bus to take us back to the sticks, when a group of 3 lads, who we seen inside the club, came up and asked one of our mates for a light. "No problem" he said and reached into his pocket. Cut to my point of view a few feet away and I see one of the three lads lunge forward and headbutt my mate so hard he flies back into the wall and falls like a rag doll. The other two pick on the rest of my mates but soon realise that they are outmatched and all three run off after a slight scuffle. My mate then wakes up about 3 min later in a rage demanding we go find them, we decide not to as our bus has arrived and we all get on and document the injuries. Where was I during this fight you ask? I had fucked off round the corner to watch...I can't fight and back then I was over 6ft and weighed 10 stone, so I would have snapped under a strong breeze.

On the bus we see that my mates head is swelling up like a balloon, another has glass in his cheek, one has a twisted ankle and other have general bumps and bruises, so they all decide to go to the local casualty department. I of course get the piss taken out of me for not joining in the fight but I have the last laugh as I am the only one going home to a nice warm bed.

As I walk up the road to my nice warm bed, I walk on the road as it has been gritted, it was about -4C that night and the footpath was thick with black ice. I'm only 30 seconds from my front door when I put my foot on the pavement (private road, no gritting service) and I go down faster than a shot of buckfast. I hear a loud hollow *THOCK* and my left elbow starts buzzing like its been hit on the funny bone by Chuck Norris, I fear I have dislocated it, so I attempt to pop the funny lumpy bit back in, no luck. It starts to go cold so I run to my house, my keys are in my left pocket so i have to reach in with this arm that is getting more painful by the minute. I get inside and collapse.

To cut an already very long story short, I have snapped my elbow joint. As I was pulling my house keys from my pocket, I must have snapped the last bit of sinew holding it together. It would no longer bend, I had no elbow joint :(

I was taken to casualty and yes...you guessed it my mates were still there and erupted in laughter. They all go the all clear to go home, I ended up there overnight.

The doctors looked at my x-ray at about 4am and after some discussion they turned around and said

"yeah, we have no idea how to fix this, none whatsoever"

I started to feel the blood drain from my face as the doctor proceeded to explain how I had no joint and the muscles had pulled the remnants of the joint further apart. The rest of the night was pretty hazy but I woke up at about 9am in a hospital bed with a plaster cast on my arm and shoulder to limit movement.

I had to wait a week until a solution was found where I spent a week on morphine and thanks to my skinny frame the metal pins holding my bones together could be seen through as large bumps poking through my skin. Had to have another op to fix it completely.

So the moral of the story kids:

Always jump in fists first and don't run from violence...karma will catch you
( Bamboo Steamer, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)