Metal Mouth!
A friend of mine (well i say friend) broke my jaw a while back.

We left the club in high spirits and attempted the arduous journey back home when all of a sudden he decided it would be a laugh to punch me in the back of the head.

As my vision rapidly changed to that of someone head-butting the ground i decided my best course of action would be to stick my arms out and break my fall.

This would normally have worked a treat but as i was a touch impaired i wasn't able to put my hands out quite far enough. This meant that it was down to my jaw to step up and take the impact full on.

After he dragged me out of the road I noticed a small pool of blood dribbling over my lip so I called him every name under the sun then set along my merry way back home.

It was only after 20 minutes of continuous failed attempts at lighting a smoke I realised one of my teeth were sticking out at a 45 degree angle and I was spurting blood everywhere so I did what every rational person would and carried on walking to find a shop for more smokes.

I was extremely lucky in reality as I chose to pass out from loss of blood right as an ambulance was driving past.


Oh and I couldn’t have surgery on my jaw for a week because a bunch of ungrateful bastards kept getting in car crashes and pushing me down the surgery list.

But at least I got 3 nice big shiny lumps of metal in my face as compensation.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)