Catheter capers
I was born with a strangely large tongue (I think the medical explanation was "fucked if we know why") so had to have 3 tongue reduction operations over a period of about ten years. After the last operation I had to spend a day in ICU for observation, as my tongue swelled up to a massive size and they had to make sure my airways didn't get blocked.

Anyway, in this ICU each patient got assigned their own bedside nurse throughout the night. I was in and out of conciousness for that night, being that I was freshly post-op, but my nurse filled me in on a good story the next day.

That night there'd been a car accident involving a drunk driver, and the pillock had to admitted to ICU because of broken legs or something. He was drunk on admission and was an absolute arsehole, abusing the nurses and loudly bitching about his pain, particularly the catheter that had had to be installed. At some point in the night the catheter tube got twisted around his big toe and...well, the gents amongst you can picture why that would've sucked. His beligerence reached new heights in light of this and he loudly called for the "fucking nurses" to come help him out.

Unfortunately, my nurse told me, the entire staff inexplicibly became temporarily deaf and he was left to suffer. Word to the wise: don't piss off medical staff, because the Hippocratic oath doesn't cover vengeance.
(ElGranto, Sat 31 Jul 2010, 2:10, 2 replies)

You are Jamie Oliver...
AICMFP.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Sat 31 Jul 2010, 7:56, closed)

Large tongue, eh?
Mr Quar reckons that he had a friend in his youth whose tongue was unusually long and mobile, which brought him lots of female attention.

Girls would elbow one another and blush and giggle when they saw him, and urge on any friends who hadn't yet 'tried' him and his tongue.

Funny thing is, my beloved won't introduce us. Wonder why?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Jul 2010, 8:27, closed)