You're a Star, Katherine, a Star!!
I've told this story many times before, but not on this board. It all starts when I was 14

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You see, most kids will have lost all their baby teeth and gained a full set of permanent grown-up pearly whites by the age of 14. Unfortunately, I was not so lucky. My top canine teeth never showed their faces.

You can now probably imagine the torment of a 14 year old girl in school, not particularly attractive or slim and with 2 great big toddler-style gaps where her teeth should be (this part should probably be in last week's QOTW)

Anyway, it was decided that I was to have a 'minor procedure' to cut the gum off the reluctant teeth and attach a brace to pull them down in a lengthy and rather painful process.

After several visits to the hospital with Mr 'I used to be a plastic surgeon but I want to give orthodontistry a stab' and his boss, Sir 'I've been an orthodontist for a million years but never worked out hat mouths are attached to people' the date was finally set, I was finally going to get my teeth.

I was told that I would be awake, they would numb it so I wouldn't feel a thing and I could bring my own music (score!) so off I trotted with my mum ready for the op.

It starts with 2 anaesthetic injections (on each side) and a scalpel cautiously poked into my gum to see if it was numb.

It was not.

que 2 more anaesthetic shots and another scalpel

Nope.

Another 2 anaesthetics are administered, this time the needles go directly up the gap and deep into the gum. It hurt.

Still not numb.

After 12 injections each side they decide to just go ahead anyway. I'm told that if it's too much, I should stick out my hand and they'd stop immediately and give me a break.

Scalpels are brought out and my gums are dutifully shredded.

It’s still not numb. The nurse is beginning to wear out her new catchphrase "You're a Star, Katherine, You're a star!!" (Never mind the fact I introduced myself as Kat)

Now I've always been the kind of person to try and not let pain get to me. but this was a lot. not helped by the extra bubbly nurse screaming "You're a Star, Katherine, you're a star!!!!" at a louder and higher pitch each time, she was getting herself into some sort of frenzy. I wanted to kill her.

After what felt like hours of tugging, pulling, stretching and cutting, with the tears now pooling in my ears next to my CD player's ear buds I decide I need a break.

I stick out my hand.

The nurse holds on to it and says "You're a Star, Katherine You're a star!, you're a St-"

She couldn't finish the sentence because I kicked her. Hard.

I then bit the orthodontist.

They stopped.

I got my break, but I then had to endure the rough, soulless treatment of Mr 'I've been an orthodontist for a million years but never worked out hat mouths are attached to people' who proclaimed very loudly that they'd been doing the whole thing wrong and did it again.

After the ordeal, I had to wait for the head honcho orthodontist to come and check it out again before we could leave. All the while the anaesthetic is wearing off. The plan was to get some hard Solpadine taken before the anaesthetic wore off. Instead after an hour of waiting, he comes in (accompanied by the nurse who still insists I'm a star) looks roughly round my mouth and instructs my mother to take me home with a good dose of calpol.

You know the medicine for kids.

I could have kicked him again.

Sorry for the longs.
(Katzilla Follow Me! @Kat_Zilla (I don't promise funnehs), Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:02, 6 replies)

Dentists Are Quacks
They're all a bunch of incompetant hacks who only got into dentistry because they weren't good enough to be vets. Or because they get a sexual thrill out of hurting little kids.

Some time ago I realised that all of the problems I've had with my teeth have been CAUSED by dentists, not CURED by them. So I stopped going. That was 18 years ago.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:43, closed)

^this in giant shitloads
5 abscesses, all caused by botched fillings, most of which were never needed. 5 teeth gone. i'd sue my old dentist, if he wasn't dead.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:47, closed)

Thanks for the support
Last time I went I got charged a fortune for five fillings, which left my teeth no longer fitting together, causing jaw-ache from the unnatural position, and splitting head-ache because all the pressure was on one tooth when I chewed.

Also left sharp edges which sliced my tongue up, so I had a mouth full of blood. The dentist didn't seem interested in fixing it (probably because he already had my money), so in the end I had to use a file from my toolbox to smooth the sharp bits. Makes your whole head vibrate!

All the fillings fell out within 6 months, of course.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 16:09, closed)

"I had to use a file from my toolbox to smooth the sharp bits. Makes your whole head vibrate!"
You get a click for DIY dentistry..

Filing them yourself really does make your head vibrate! - I too resorted to this method of self healing when I broke one of my teeth on a hidden olive-stone in my Pizza, however :-

I had a nasty stain on one of my front teeth from smoking and drinking too much, so I decided to go the extreme cleaning route and break out the Dremel - in a somewhat foolish attempt to try and scrub the stain off.

Don't use the milling tool, it's feels funny, kinda like dragging your nails down a blackboard, except a lot quicker.

Oh, and another thing, once you've realised this, and decide to use the plastic brush tool instead - take into account the subject of friction, teeth soon warm up when they're subject to the equivalent of an electric toothbrush spinning at about 10,000rpm..

And for fucks sake, try not to catch your gums, it's amazing how much they bleed, then blister, then bleed again.
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 16:36, closed)

i'm quite lucky
in that i have an NHS dentist who is very good. he's sorted out most of the damage done by the ex-dentist and given me 2 gold teeth. one of them was meant to be white, but he wrote on the form that i clench my teeth and needed the gold one, because, and i quote, "you want it because it's shiny, don't you?"
my new dentist is great :)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 20:21, closed)

I had that done, but your story is far worse than mine. I feel a little of your pain.
(epinephrine, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 23:34, closed)