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This is a question Ouch!

A friend was once given a biopsy by a sleep-deprived junior doctor.
They needed a sample of his colon, so inserted the long bendy jaws-on-the-end thingy, located the suspect area and... he shot through the ceiling. Doctor had forgotten to administer any anaesthetic.

What was your ouchiest moment?

(, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 17:29)
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Various ouches
I have a long, long history of personal injury, here are the ones I can remember, in no particular chronological order, many many words, sorry:

Sliding down a grass banking as a child, put hand down to slow descent, something sharp & nasty lurking, 2 inch slice in the middle finger of my left hand, bled, bled a lot, an unbelievable amount, cue for my friends to run screaming to my mother "his finger is hanging off!!" got some of those crappy butterfly stitches, decent looking scar. No pain due to shock.

Lead counterweight from my dad's grandfather (long case for the buffs) clock rolled off a workbench, weighs around 5kg made of solid lead, connected with my slippered foot between my big toe and second toe, smarted a little, lot of childish crying, visit to A&E, x ray shows inch long crack in my foot, sod all they can do about it, strapped up and told to keep weight off it for a while.

Running at speed down the playground at junior school, goes downhill at a reasonable gradient, "friend" decides to trip me up, head first into a wall. Knocked unconscious so no pain, next couple of days were a blur due to concussion, couldn't see properly for a week.

Car crash, sideways and backwards into a steel & concrete fence and some trees at around 50mph. Last thing I see is a tree, next I'm out of the car looking at it upside down with the wheels still spinning, massively confused. Help arrives, I now can't see particularly well due to blood pouring down my forehead into my eyes, plus concussion. Voices sound kind of distant, but I come around a bit "you're going to have to sit down mate!!" me: "piss off, it's muddy!" so sat down on a wall, now pain starts kicking in, head is just numb (number than usual) but shoulder is excruciating, probably an 8-9/10 I can move my arm, but hurts like a biatch. Get bundled in ambulance, along with the missus who was in passenger side, spend three days in hospital, injuries as follows:

Head: 4 inch gash (giggity) on my left forehead, had a look when they took bandages off, could see my skull, nasty bit was it cut through the muscles that hold the left side of my face up, so my eye was almost where my cheek should be, and everything else lower, my eye is now slightly lower than my right.

Shoulder: This was a REAL mess, turns out I hit the steering wheel hard, the top of it was now flat instead of round! The airbag didn't trigger as it was a side impact, so my shoulder tore off the airbag cover, which stripped all the flesh off from my shoulder blade and about 2 inches of my chest, also gouged my neck, just missing the jugular. An eye witness at the scene said he could see various bones, muscles and tendons through afore mentioned fleshless mess, and was very concerned every time I moved my arm that some bone or other was going to pop out!

Now have some impressive looking scars, with a horrible pink, veiny blob on my chest where a couple of inches of flesh had to completely regrow. Most painful part though, the twat in the Z3 that cause the crash drove off, leaving me to take the blame despite witnesses in my favour, I now have a deep hatred of BMW drivers.

Last nasty injury, a very random burn. Was putting a beef joint in the oven to roast, had it on one of those plastic roasting bags, stuck it in the oven, top of the bag touched the top element, dropped a red hot blob of molten plastic onto the thumbnail of my right hand, said blob then melted through my nail and into the very soft, very sensitive nail bed, it hurt, it hurt a shitload, I swore, swore some more flailed my arms about, then ran it under cold water for a long time. Would have to be a 8/10 on the pain scale.
(, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 19:15, Reply)

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