Where to begin...
Having a skeleton made of finest Wensleydale* I'm no stranger to broken bones. So far my tally is 5 wrists, two ribs, foot, ankle, hip, skull, and so many toes that it's not even a trip to the docs any more.
Heck on my last set of dental xrays there were two shadow lines running from my remaining canines** to my eyesockets, at some point I'd broken my face...

But even the sick nauseous horror of a shattered forearm pales into insignificance beside the suicide inducing agony of trapped spinal nerves.

Just a tiny shift in one vertebra, or the minutest extra calcium deposit and some part of the body lights up as if Torquemada himself was scrubbing your freshly flayed flesh with brillo pads dipped in lemon juice and wired to the national grid.

And there's nothing you can do about it, for days or weeks on end. Sleep becomes nothing more than a few moments of drugged unconsiousness, food tastes of nothing but the pain caused by moving your jaw, and the painkillers say you can't have any beer.

Fuck that for a laugh, sez I. Sweet sweet alcohol kills the pain, and I shall hie myself (slowly) to the nearby pub and make damn sure I'm not hurting any more.
The first part of the plan goes well. I'm stood near the bar, I have a pint and so far nothing bad has happened. The evening is so agony free that I'm even wondering if the walk has untrapped my nerves.
Better still some chums arrive in the pub, and we're all set for a night of great happiness.
Until one of them turns to me, says "Bloody hell mate, It's been ages! Good to see you" and with a broad smile claps me affectionately on the back...

Bastard.


Also this and this

*Periodic Hyper-Osteo(something or other) means the mineral content of my bones gets moved about a lot, sometimes this results in a bone about 1/2 the mass it should be. Ie crappy.
**Born with two sets each top and bottom, Call me Mr. Fangy
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 18:50, Reply)