A membrane sweep....
this is what Midwives do when your baby is overdue. It is supposed to start things off within 24 hours.
Basically they put their finger in the holiest of holies, through your cervix, and then sweep it around in a circular motion on the outside of the amniotic sac.... the intrustion unsurprisingly usually starts the baby labouring out.

Now I'd been warned about this by a friend who purely for the warning is, in my opinion, a Goddess among women. I can never thank her enough for telling me that is what midwives have in mind so I could refuse one.

As it turned out, before I even went into labour my son went into distress so I ended up with something very similar as a consultant tried to manipulate him from inside my uterus into a position that raised his foetal heart rate above 40 bpm - should be between 120 and 160.

so in summation, a membrane sweep from a small-handed midwife. Ouch. Having a bloke's hand with cow's tit fingers rammed up your mimsy with the added stresses of thinking your baby might actually be dying inside you.... fucking priceless.

I'd rather be fisted by Freddie Krueger than go through that again.
( Sallyrsm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 21:55, 2 replies)

i like this
because you've proved that my mum isn't the only one who uses the phrase "cow's tit fingers"
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:24, closed)

Hello!
Freddy Krueger calling.

I'll get the marigolds, love.
(IHaveComeAmongThee__Twice Tissues on the left. Self-esteem on the right., Thu 5 Aug 2010, 7:39, closed)