Repost:
I took a bit ill in August 2010. Sorry about the words...
Started at the weekend with some flu-like symptoms; fever, sweating, tiredness, neck ache, leg ache and a cough but I just got the fuck on with it and kept going to work (I work with teenagers who have behavioural problems so this mostly meant sitting playing PS3 and watching films).

Friday morning I wake up busting for a piss and off to the toilet I go. Only... There's something wrong... something that in my half-asleep haze it takes me a moment to realise... then it hits me... WHY THE FUCK ARE MY NUTS THE SIZE OF GRAPEFRUITS?! I did what any man would do and panicked. Called the Dr, got an appointment and got told I had a virus which had caused some swelling (no shit) and home with pills.

That night I'm in the bath and I see all these spots running from my feet to my knees. The Dr had said any changes to call NHS24 so that's what I did. The lady on the phone was lovely but more concerned that I was having pains when breathing (something I hadn't really registered until she asked) than my spotty legs and giant testicles. Ambulance is called for me and off to hospital.

Turns out I had swelling, not just around the legs and balls, but around my heart too. Viral Myocarditis. The infection had caused the lining of my Heart to swell, causing it to beat oddly. I had a group of student Doctors all listen to my heartbeat one after the other as it had a triple rhythm. This had caused my lungs and chest cavity to fill with fluid, causing the difficulty breathing. This wasn't aided by the Hospital believing I was dehydrated and putting 3 IV units of fluid into me. Apparently my Chest X-ray over that weekend were completely white due to the amount of fluid in me.

On Sunday I was told that, IF I stabilized, I would require a left ventricle assist device or a Heart transplant so they wanted to move me to Glasgow as they were better equipped to do the procedures if it came to it. Only problem was I wasn't stable enough to move, at that point I was on 19 litres of Oxygen a minute and the Ambulance could only provide a maximum of 15. I was told (but I don't remember it) that I was Gravely ill and my Mum was told that I was a very, very sick man and to be prepared for the worst.

On Tuesday the decision was made to move me anyway, I had improved slightly due to me spending hours on a CPAP but my Blood Oxygen level was still in the low 70%'s. My heart rate had been 150+ for 3 or 4 days now and I was on an intake of 1.2 litres of fluid a day and pissing out 4.5L. I got a sexy yellow Aeroplane to fly my from Aberdeen to Glasgow.

Once in Glasgow things changed quickly. For the best. I got all the excess liquid out, lots of injections, MRI's, X-rays, lots of pills to drain fluids, regulate heart beats etc. And spent a total of 2 weeks in Hospital. No transplants or anything. In 20+ years of being a Cardiac consultant my Doctor says it's the quickest, fullest recovery he has ever seen and he was still astounded to see me walking around after 2 weeks as most people in my condition ended up in bed for 6 months and would be very lucky to go back to a "normal" lifestyle again.

This wasn't my most terrifying thing, as most of it passed me by in a blur. My most terrifying thing happened about a week after I got home and the full reality of it all hit me. I was just sitting watching TV and then I was lying on the floor sobbing my eyes out, shaking like a leaf. The next few months were shit too... I felt weak and scared to go to busy places, every time I had a cough or felt under the weather I would start to get one up. "Is it happening again?", checking my pulse and freaking myself out. My pills made me lethargic and tired out easily. Even climbing the stairs left my breathless and dizzy, which didn't help as by that stage I was "sick of feeling sick".

I still get freaked out by it all, especially when I think about my daughter and what could have happened, but I'm better now. No pills; heart rate of 82 beats a minute, reasonable blood pressure; my own heart; still alive lol.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:48, 14 replies)

So...
when you were at deaths door did you make any promises to yourself about what you'd do with your life if you pulled through?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 19:10, closed)

No. I'm not some maudlin idiot.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 22:10, closed)

this just flat out isn't funny.
FFS Maffington, where's the comedy?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 19:14, closed)

Here: laugh at how silly I looked!

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 22:15, closed)

I don't know how to make that smaller :/

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 22:15, closed)

Aww.
No grapefruit pics.
(speedevil, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 3:49, closed)

Happy Shopper Bane.

_{(sounds like a particularly shit thing to put up with, have a sympathy click)}
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 0:50, closed)

Tesco value Bane

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 10:34, closed)

TESCO VALUE IS DEAD, YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 11:43, closed)

Reminds me of that film 'The Man with the Bollocks Tattoo' starring James Bond.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:37, closed)

A bloo-bloo-bloo
/iron man crying picture.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 10:34, closed)

Fair enough, my doctorate isn't in anatomy
but I'm pretty sure that's his arm, not his bollocks, old boy.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 13:15, closed)

Did you die?
/ac
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 19:16, closed)

Repeatedly
/ac
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 22:15, closed)