How I Learned to Walk Again
New Years 2012 was hard. You probably did something great, but I was in hospital. I mean, I believe I was. I don’t remember, I was out of my mind on painkillers.

It was so stupid. A go-karting accident, of all things. Sounds silly, but I guess sometimes things just go badly. I got so smashed up that my pelvis was practically a fine powder. I was told that I’d likely never walk unaided again, and even the idea of me walking again didn’t have brilliant odds. But I decided that a positive, determined attitude would see me through. I spent months in physical therapy but by the end of it I was walking with just a cane.

I guess it seems kind of silly, but I’d always kind of wanted to climb Ben Nevis, so I decided that would be my goal. I’m sure the idea of practicing walking seems weird to many people, but if walking is hard for you, that’s what you need to do, and that’s what I did. And in August, I made the climb. I took the Pony Track, which some put down as the “tourist route”, but for me it was terribly hard. Think about that. A few times there I nearly quit, but I forced myself to do it.

And so I made it to the plateau. This was it. This was what life was all about. I breathed in the crisp, clear mountain air. In the distance, I heard a bird call. I felt the sun on my face and the wind in my hair.

“Yes,” I said. “Yes! Here I am, world,” I shouted. “You tried to put me down but it didn’t work! I’m still here! Do your woOOOoooOOOOOaaaauuuugh,” I moaned as my backside gave way and released pint after pint of arse gravy into my trousers. “Nooooooooooauhhh!” I screamed as the force of the explosion knocked me over, leaving me writhing in the dirt, honking with misery as liquid bum shame squirted out of the ends of my cloth tubes.

I suppose I shouldn’t have tried to put that spanner up my arse.
(Frank Snow, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 1:23, 6 replies)

Even tho it was shit
that was funny. Have a click.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 16 Dec 2012, 1:28, closed)

Frank wins again.
Fucking top hole, back of the net there Francis.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 3:59, closed)

Classic comedy technique
Click!
(badgermonkey007, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 8:39, closed)

All that and
Time travel too.
(Pill Popper Thank you Sasha Shulgin, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 9:45, closed)

This is how to internet.
Everybody else take note. Then fuck off. Then pop back again. Then fuck off again.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 10:11, closed)

And then put something up your back passage.
(Frank Snow, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 23:27, closed)