Overheard secrets
When I was a barman, I stood by polishing a glass as a couple had a hushed argument two feet away about what they were going to do now she was pregnant. The bloke promised to leave his wife, but subsequent hushed arguments revealed that he did not. What have you overheard?
Suggested by Free Pens
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:36)
When I was a barman, I stood by polishing a glass as a couple had a hushed argument two feet away about what they were going to do now she was pregnant. The bloke promised to leave his wife, but subsequent hushed arguments revealed that he did not. What have you overheard?
Suggested by Free Pens
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:36)
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League Tables
I was enjoying a quiet pint with a mate, when he suddenly looked rather surprised, motioned for me to be quiet, and began scribbling notes onto a napkin. Baffling behaviour! After ten minutes or so, he indicated that we should leave quietly, and so we did.
Once outside he told me what was going on. In the next booth, completely unaware of us, happened to be a group of girls from our social circle. Now, between them these girls had shagged all of us men at one time or another, and they had been discussing us, in rich and intimate detail. My mate had heard his name, and then been even more surprised when the girls started working out the "League Table" of us blokes -- both for size and technique.
So we now had a complete list of all of our mates, and where they stood (ahem) in relation to each other.
The best part was the discovery that one very shy friend, who'd only recently broken an EIGHT YEAR dry spell, turned out to be the most well-endowed of the lot of us. That turned his life around, I can tell you!
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:17, 14 replies)
I was enjoying a quiet pint with a mate, when he suddenly looked rather surprised, motioned for me to be quiet, and began scribbling notes onto a napkin. Baffling behaviour! After ten minutes or so, he indicated that we should leave quietly, and so we did.
Once outside he told me what was going on. In the next booth, completely unaware of us, happened to be a group of girls from our social circle. Now, between them these girls had shagged all of us men at one time or another, and they had been discussing us, in rich and intimate detail. My mate had heard his name, and then been even more surprised when the girls started working out the "League Table" of us blokes -- both for size and technique.
So we now had a complete list of all of our mates, and where they stood (ahem) in relation to each other.
The best part was the discovery that one very shy friend, who'd only recently broken an EIGHT YEAR dry spell, turned out to be the most well-endowed of the lot of us. That turned his life around, I can tell you!
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:17, 14 replies)
Eight YEARS?!?
Good god, I hope he went out of there with new confidence and started making up for lost time!
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:53, closed)
Good god, I hope he went out of there with new confidence and started making up for lost time!
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:53, closed)
Yes, it was a great shame, he just lacked self-confidence
...which was clearly helped by the quickly-public knowledge that he was packing a dick like Schwarzenegger's.... well, like Schwarzenegger, in fact.
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:56, closed)
...which was clearly helped by the quickly-public knowledge that he was packing a dick like Schwarzenegger's.... well, like Schwarzenegger, in fact.
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:56, closed)
If he's packing a dick like "Ah-nuld"....
....then his cleaner better watch out...
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:58, closed)
....then his cleaner better watch out...
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:58, closed)
We've all seen Little Arnie
Nothing like as well-developed as Big Arnie.
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 17:51, closed)
Nothing like as well-developed as Big Arnie.
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 17:51, closed)
I thought t'guvnor o'californya had a small one?
I'll admit I didn't watch the footage, but I thought it was suggested that the use of steroids may have prevented his majority being quite so big, as it were?
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 17:51, closed)
I'll admit I didn't watch the footage, but I thought it was suggested that the use of steroids may have prevented his majority being quite so big, as it were?
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 17:51, closed)
The gag was meant to be that it was the size and shape of Schwarzenegger, not his dick.
( , Fri 26 Aug 2011, 10:14, closed)
( , Fri 26 Aug 2011, 10:14, closed)
Apparently he redeemed himself as per the Red Dwarf line:
"You make love like a Japanese meal: small portions, but so many courses..."
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 16:29, closed)
"You make love like a Japanese meal: small portions, but so many courses..."
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 16:29, closed)
Huh
the missus had some friends round the other night and they started talking about this stuff in front of me
in the end I had to pack up and play on the computer in the other room just to stop hearing about penises :(
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 16:23, closed)
the missus had some friends round the other night and they started talking about this stuff in front of me
in the end I had to pack up and play on the computer in the other room just to stop hearing about penises :(
( , Thu 25 Aug 2011, 16:23, closed)
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