League Tables
I was enjoying a quiet pint with a mate, when he suddenly looked rather surprised, motioned for me to be quiet, and began scribbling notes onto a napkin. Baffling behaviour! After ten minutes or so, he indicated that we should leave quietly, and so we did.

Once outside he told me what was going on. In the next booth, completely unaware of us, happened to be a group of girls from our social circle. Now, between them these girls had shagged all of us men at one time or another, and they had been discussing us, in rich and intimate detail. My mate had heard his name, and then been even more surprised when the girls started working out the "League Table" of us blokes -- both for size and technique.

So we now had a complete list of all of our mates, and where they stood (ahem) in relation to each other.

The best part was the discovery that one very shy friend, who'd only recently broken an EIGHT YEAR dry spell, turned out to be the most well-endowed of the lot of us. That turned his life around, I can tell you!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:17, 14 replies)

Or...
Your mate's gay and there was no-one in the next booth.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:45, closed)

No, he's not gay
I know cos I bummed him and he didn't like it
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:57, closed)

Nice comeback
You bender
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sun 28 Aug 2011, 18:47, closed)

Eight YEARS?!?
Good god, I hope he went out of there with new confidence and started making up for lost time!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:53, closed)

Yes, it was a great shame, he just lacked self-confidence
...which was clearly helped by the quickly-public knowledge that he was packing a dick like Schwarzenegger's.... well, like Schwarzenegger, in fact.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:56, closed)

If he's packing a dick like "Ah-nuld"....
....then his cleaner better watch out...
(Don Draper is, indeed, mad and a man., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:58, closed)

We've all seen Little Arnie
Nothing like as well-developed as Big Arnie.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 17:51, closed)

I thought t'guvnor o'californya had a small one?
I'll admit I didn't watch the footage, but I thought it was suggested that the use of steroids may have prevented his majority being quite so big, as it were?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 17:51, closed)

The gag was meant to be that it was the size and shape of Schwarzenegger, not his dick.

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 26 Aug 2011, 10:14, closed)

*facepalm

(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 26 Aug 2011, 13:13, closed)

Who came last then?
So to speak :P
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 16:13, closed)

Apparently he redeemed himself as per the Red Dwarf line:
"You make love like a Japanese meal: small portions, but so many courses..."
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 16:29, closed)

Huh
the missus had some friends round the other night and they started talking about this stuff in front of me

in the end I had to pack up and play on the computer in the other room just to stop hearing about penises :(
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 16:23, closed)

And this is how the pair of you
fell out of the closet?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 16:34, closed)