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This is a question Lies that got out of control

Ever claimed you could speak a foreign language to impress friends, colleagues and/or get laid? Make a twat of yourself - and I couldn't possibly comment - saying you were the godson of the chairman of BP? Tell us how your porkies have caught up with you

(Thanks to augsav and Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic for the suggestions)

(, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 13:03)
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Hold me closer, tiny dancer
I'm sure Prague is a wonderful city. I've been, but I can't attest to its potential cultural magnificence, going as I did with around 15 other blokes, most of them (collectively at least) being the type of guys who enjoy 'dancing' in clubs.

Thus is was mostly a process of: sleep most of day - shower in communal bathroom in shitty hostel - slap on cheap aftershave - down cheap beer - roam streets - night club - forrin greasy food - strip club - stagger home in daylight - sleep most of day.

Whilst in the transition period between flithy super-clubs and over-priced stripjoints/brothels, we were constantly being harrassed by what were essentially, pimps.

Trying to get us to go to their strip clubs, or presenting little cards with a variety of sexual services, like a menu. 'Autosexo' is sex, apparently.

To wind them up, we decided to making ludicrous demands of their services, claiming that we wanted to see chicken sex, snake sex, sex with a corpse, all kinds of shit we knew they could never provide. Always they would reply 'Haha no friend, we have normal sex, many beautiful girls for you!'.

However, one day, walking along the same stretch of road, someone says 'Yeah we want midget sex' -

'Yes friend, we have midget sex for you, this way!'

'Haha - wait, really?'

'Yes, pleaase!'

Confused, intruiged, caught out - for whatever reason, we followed that pimp. He bundled us into a limo, which drove us for about 10 minutes to a secret location, which it turned out was 50 meters down the road and about 20 times round the block.

Still thinking this was a joke, we reluctantly paid the extortionate entry fee ('you take our limo - you pay for entry!') under the watchful gaze of some beefy bouncers/con men (we should have legged it), and were ushered through a gigantic strip club to a side room, where our theif/helpful guide proudly displayed a selection of pole-dancing midgets in 'sexy' lingerie.

These tiny strippers were throwing themselves around the poles like tiny, malformed 'Showgirls', thrashing their hair and exposing their crotches.

We had seen scantily-clad pole dancing midgets that we will never unsee. Our lie had gotten out of control.
(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:23, 11 replies)

(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 16:04, closed)
Did any of your party indulge?
As far as I'm aware, it's primarily the limbs that are affected by dwarfism thus the torso and vagina remain viable.
(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 16:30, closed)
"As far as I'm aware"
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 11:13, closed)
I would love to see that...

(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 17:01, closed)
I don't like this
but I clicked out of sheer terror.
(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 17:24, closed)
I knew someone in first year
who would have wanked himself down to a two-digit IQ if presented with that sight.
(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 18:00, closed)
"wanked himself down to a two-digit IQ"
A marvellous turn of phrase.

(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 23:42, closed)
^^ this

(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 11:13, closed)
Serves you right.

(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 22:05, closed)
just big enough.
(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 22:38, closed)
When I went to Prague a few years ago
the first things we saw on leaving the station near our digs were a badly-splattered pigeon and a pimp bitchslapping his ho', and things went downhill from there.

The lovely big, wide tourist street, Wenceslas Square, was packed with drunken British hen/stag parties, most in fancy dress, reeling around and crashing into each other, while pimps on every corner beckoned the unwary into underground strip clubs promising '100 beautiful girls!'

We reckon there were probably a few ugly ones as well.
(, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 22:51, closed)

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