Craig . . . . "Aye"
My old flatmate used to work with a compulsive liar called Craig. This is just one of the many many countless whoppers Craig told in his ongoing quest to appear as the Coolest Guy Ever.

Craig said "aye" a lot. Mainly because after uttering his latest line of verbal bullshit, his dumbfounded audience always asked "Really?". "Aye", Craig would reply, before adding the next chapter in his imaginary saga.

Each day my flatmate would come stumbling in from work, unable to walk through debilitating laughter, saying "You won't believe what Craig said today".

Toothless Craig was the uber chav, or ned here in Scotland. He lived with his mum in a decaying sink estate on the edge of town, and he often bragged about his narcotic prowess. In this case, the amount of lies he told just to stop being caught out on a single whopper escalated lying to a new level.

The conversation between Craig and my flatmate had gone thus:

Flatmate: "So Craig, if you've got all these drugs in your house, aren't you worried about getting busted by the police?"

Craig: "Nut, cause I keep my drugs in a safe."

FM: "Fuck off! Really? You telling me they wouldn't check your safe?"

Craig: "Aye, but No they wouldnae. Cause I keep my safe in the shed."

FM (sighs): "The police would check the shed though."

Craig (triumphantly): "Aye, but no they wouldnae, cause I've got five sheds!"


Classy guy eh?

If I had the time I could describe all sorts of shite he came out with, including the dirty dancing story in which he apparently walked away with the hottest bird in the club (the language she used to pull him is even more comical).

Any time someone mentioned a celebrity, Craig's most famous line was uttered: "I ken the cunt."

Legend. I was gutted when he got the sack. For lying about a sicknote apparently
(Barry Subchimp, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 12:48, 3 replies)

...Colclough...?

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 17:23, closed)

Is this a 'massive drugs' story?
(Chopsey, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 18:30, closed)

did he own a Honda?

( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 8:22, closed)