The trials of having a PE Teacher Mum....
...as experienced by a youthful Snowy.

- When you play her at any sport, even as a kid, she will mercilessly defeat you in order to demonstrate her credentials. This included beating me at tennis in straight sets... when I was seventeen and a foot taller than her.

- If she comes down the park when you and your mates are having a kick around, she will shout instructions, and even get involved to demonstrate how a corner ought to be taken. My dad now hates taking her to the rugby, because she will also loudly offer comprehensive advice to professional Rugby Union players.

- Throughout your life, your physical form will be scrutinised and commented on. Last time I visited, her first words were 'You've got fat legs. You should start jogging'

- She also has a disarmingly frank attitude to sex. When I split up with a girl I'd been seeing at Uni my mum's consolation was 'Well... I bet she was a bit frigid anyway wasn't she? She looked it...' (for the record - she was). She also asked me if I was gay when I was fifteen. 'No mum!'. 'Oh, right. Just rubbish with girls then?'

- Lastly, you have to put up with all the jokes about her being a lesbian. This is not helped by her having shorter hair than you and wearing trackies and polo shirts both in and out of work. One of my mates once saw her waving from a distance when we were in town and asked 'Is that your dad?'. He wasn't joking...

She's great though. And you'll never be short of sports equipment... how many other people have borrowed their mum's cricket bat?
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Sat 21 Nov 2009, 15:52, 2 replies)

Oh thank god
First time round I read that as how many other people have borrowed their mum's cricket box?
(ubergeekian, Sat 21 Nov 2009, 19:25, closed)

Lesbians
Love cricket bats up em.
(Klangtarnflatchslapper looks just like a Telefunken U-47, Sun 22 Nov 2009, 0:42, closed)