List-O-Mania
1. People who drive vehicles (often but not always 4x4) with unsecured children in the back. Standing between the front seats, climbing into the boot, blatantly not attached in anyway to the vehicle. That is traveling at a speed absolutely guaranteed to kill/maim those children. Stop the car. Belt them in. If they go near a buckle, stop the car. They’ll get the idea. If you continue to drive, you are TOO STUPID to (a) have children (b) drive (c) metabolise oxygen.

2. People who demonise 4x4 drivers as exclusively being baby-seal clubbing ice-cap melting fiends. The school run aside, some of these actually have a purpose. In my period of 4x4 ownership (Boo! Hiss! A vole became extinct because of you, you bastard!) I needed a car that would drive on the road sometimes, up farm tracks or on the moors at others, be able to get lots of stuff in, and yes, go to the supermarket. Unless someone fancied giveing me a sackful of cash and the parking spaces to fit 4 separate cars in, I drove a 4x4. Jus’ call me Cletus y’all. I also drove an older one, which avoids the environmental costs of building a new car.

3. Announcements of ‘crack downs’ and ‘new laws’ to deal with the latest hyped up headline. Heads up folks, your kids are about as likely to be abducted by a paedophile now as they were in 1950. They are at the most danger from someone known to you, or a member of an organized religion, or being too insulated from reality by their stupid parents to know how to cross the road safely. Certain groups in certain areas aside, you are as likely to be shot now as you were years ago, unless you happen to be a member of the Gang-Culture-Lite that we have in the UK. And quite frankly I don’t give a toss if one member of a crew slots another, I just object to paying for the shooter to spend ten years getting stoned and playing with himself at the taxpayer’s expense.

4. Diana is dead.

5. Yes, really.

6. The driver was pissed.

7. Yes, really.

8. Nice ornamental plates you’ve got there.

9. What, you’re still convinced by Fayed?

10.Keep taking the happy pills.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 2 May 2008, 14:23, Reply)