Shopping
I fucking hate shopping, me. Be it for clothes or car parts or army surplus, I find it a tedious yet necessary torture. Unfortunately, many of my pet peeves arise from one stale, florescent environment.

The worst type of shopping, of course, is food shopping. The shitty trip to the supermarket which occurs roughly once a month, twice if I'm unlucky. But it isn't the shop or shopping itself that annoys me, it's my fellow shoppers that really fuck me off.

1: How fucking difficult is it to push a trolley? There are no complicated controls, you push from behind (wahey!) and it makes it go forward. Wonky wheel? How fucking stupid must you be to not have seen that on the way in? If you can't be arsed to go and change it, you aren't allowed to complain.

2: It's a shop, not a cocking social club! Do not stand round in the middle of the aisle screeching away about your miserable existence. It doesn't matter that you're holding me up, as long as you get the latest gossip or whatever the fuck it is that's so important it can't be spoken about anywhere else other than in the way of other people, right this very second!

3: Manners. I try and be polite, manners cost nothing, right? So if I let you past, or move out of your way, say fucking thank you! (or just thank you). I mean, a simple nod would be sufficient, just to let me know that you've acknowledged me. Yeah, it isn't a huge sacrifice I've made, but it doesn't hurt to be courteous, does it?

4: Stay out of my way. Nah that’s fine mate, I was looking at that, but it's perfectly ok with me if you stand immediately in front of me so I can't choose my delicious piece of steak. No really, its fine, I've got X-ray vision.

5: My shopping, my rules. Yes I'm buying two crates of beer and three bottles of wine. Tut all you like, it's my money I'll spend it how I like.

6: The abandoned trolley. There it is, alone in the aisle, a somewhat menacing aura surrounding it. No one is even close to it. Until you ever so slightly move out of the way to get some chicken dippers. "EXCUSE ME!!!!!!" comes the war cry of the hardened shopper, her angry bellow thundering loudly off the shelves. If you don't want me touching it, leave it somewhere else, like out of the fucking way!

7: People who complain loudly when things have been moved. See that massive sign up there that says "MILK" in three foot high letters? Yeah? Well that’s where the milk is, surprisingly.

I've tried the internet shopping phenomenon, I really have, but my food always turns up three days after the date I want it delivered and I never, ever get exactly what I want. Which is why I have to brave the wasteland that is the supermarket once a month.

*sobs*
(FerretTrout be illin', Tue 6 May 2008, 10:41, 2 replies)

I understand
you pain. One of my most hated things is food shopping. I try and do it so fast you can't see me for dust.

*clicks*
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Tue 6 May 2008, 11:26, closed)

!
How big are your fridge, freezer and cupboards that you can store a month's worth of food in them?

I agree with all your post, and I wish to add people who slow down or stop dead in front of me for no cocking reason.
( Bob Todd whee, Tue 6 May 2008, 18:59, closed)