DO NOT DISTURB
At various points in my working life, I have been required to spend long periods of time in hotels, including weekends. Naturally during these stays I took the opportunity to shovel down plenty of beers at the employers expense, particularly on Friday and Saturday nights, meaning I would try and have a decent lie in on the following mornings and thus hang the old "do not disturb" sign on the door before staggering into bed.

However...there seems to be a universal misunderstanding amongst hotel staff as to what the phrase "do not disturb" means. All hotel staff, take note, the following activities DO CONSTITUTE DISTURBANCE:

* Phoning me up to ask if I want more towels at 9am. If I am bloody asleep, an unfamiliar bell going off six inches from my head is a disturbance.

* Knocking on the door and shouting "do you want any towels" is also a disturbance. To answer, I need to have woken from my alcholic coma, thereby being disturbed, at which point I might as well get up and let you clean the bloody room. (NB The sign says "do not disturb"...NOT "do not come in"

* Trying to slide a one inch thick weekend paper under the 2mm gap under the door....cue much door rattling, banging, rustling...all to no avail rather than munching up the edge of the paper for when I finally retrieve it from outside.

At one hotel I was in for six months or so, I actually made my own laminated "do not disturb" sign which said:

"DO NOT DISTURB: FOR THE AVOIDANCE OF DOUBT THIS INCLUDES PHONING UP, SHOUTING THROUGH THE DOOR, MASHING PAPERS INTO THE CRACKS IN THE DOOR, HANGING A NOISY RUSTLING PLASTIC BAG OF TOWELS ON THE DOOR HANDLE - IF I WANT MORE TOWELS I WILL EITHER PHONE AND ASK FOR THEM OR GO AND BUY MY OWN"

Interesting, despite being an excellent, long term customer, the Hotel Manager complained to me, and ordered that I cease using the sign as it was derogatory to the staff, or risk being ejected from the premises.

Thanks a lot you wanker.
(Mandrill, Wed 7 May 2008, 1:52, Reply)