Golf umbrellas
...anywhere other than a golf course. What on earth are you compensating for that means you have to take up the entire pavement? I mean it's enough of a pain in the arse navigating the rush hour stampede in the rain with normal size umbrellas about - why the hell do you think it's necessary to be carrying the millennium dome around with you? Few things give me more pleasure than seeing one of you little hooray henrys grappling with one of the damn things as soon as the wind gets up. You're a bloke ffs - get a decent coat and stop spending so much time on that crap hairstyle.

If you're really that insecure about your masculinity, buy a bloody E-type and have done with it.
( barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Wed 7 May 2008, 12:52, 1 reply)

Inversely proportional
Funny but on the train platform the other day we were remarking on the relative sizes of umbrellas.

One chappy had a fecking HUGE brolly, I swear you could have had 4 people under it! So I pipe up that umbrella size is inversely proportional to penis size. Then I whipped out my little collapsible one that fits in my backpack no worries. Of course my mate said "my umbrella is so small you can't even see it" and it went downhill from there.

The only saving grace from a big umbrella is if the train comes into the station and they didn't realize it. It makes a good sail.
(Lurkaloid awarded wanking black belt on, Wed 7 May 2008, 14:05, closed)