My Oven...

I know it sounds ridiculous…but I have a fear of my oven…or to be more precise, the rails inside the oven making contact with the tray thing that you put your spuds and wotnot onto (literal speaking here, I don’t dangle my delicate gentleman vegetables anywhere near something that could result in scorching thank you very much).

Anyhoo, when the tray and the oven get together they combine to create an eye-shattering metal-on-metal SCHREEEEEECH of such biblical proportions that it makes whatsisname from Jaws scratching his fingernails down a blackboard sound like gently stroking a fluffeh little kitten.

Of course, fortunately I’m way too much of a chauvinist wankspanner to use the oven much myself, but if I’m in the kitchen whenever the long suffering missus indulges in preparing the daily chow-down, I have to sprint a minimum of three rooms’ distance like my ears are on fire before she opens the oven door.

On the unfortunate occasions when I haven’t made it in time, my hands contort into claws, my neck disappears into my body and my teeth clench so hard that I’m sure one day my whole head will cave in on itself due to the pressure exerted.

People think that the reason I regularly fork out for so many takeaways etc is because I’m a fat, lazy cocksplinter who can’t be arsed to cook…Now you all know it’s actually due to my dark, secret phobia of the squeaky, screechy, squint-inducing horror of that sound.

So now you know – It’s all the oven’s fault.

(Well…..That’s my story and I’m sticking to it)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 19:55, 12 replies)

Double boo to your new job - the cockspanners!!!!
I'm with you on teh noise your talking about and I often use the cooker being of the female variety so I suffer more!
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:00, closed)

@BGB...

Ooh it's bloody tough at work now, flower. I struggle to pinch a few minutes every day to check B3ta on my phone. Suffice to say, I don't get chance to read back with the regularity I used to.

I miss you all...

*sobs quietly*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:03, closed)

@BGB
You sexist! I doubt that you use it more than I use mine, ladybits or no!

And Pooflake- I think it might just be a matter of thoroughly scrubbing off the sides of the oven and the edges of the racks so they don't bind and screech on the burnt stuff...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:04, closed)

@TRL...

Hmm...that sounds like cleaning to me...and when you're talking like that you may as well be speaking in Latin...

Where's Enzyme when you need him? (for the Latin, btw - NOT the housework)

Did I mention my phobia of doing chores?

*stops pretending to be 'all manly like' and puts French Maid's outfit back on*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:12, closed)

@ Loon
What do you need an oven for - all you eat is artichokes and jelly babies.


Pooflake - we miss you too. I think I can speak for all of us in that respect : (
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:16, closed)

I agree with BGB
we do miss you, I'm sure mine and Berts goat obsession wouldn't have been allowed to go as far as it did if you had been around.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:22, closed)

Hey now!
I eat things other than artichokes and Jelly Babies! Jaffa Cakes, remember? And Tunnocks!

TUNNOCKS! TUNNOCKS! TUNNOCKS! TUNNOCKS! TUNNOCKS!

(Actually, this weekend I made a very lovely lasagna and a loaf of sourdough bread. It even impressed my sister.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:25, closed)

Oooww...what Goat Obsession??

Linkys please?

I've missed out on loads...It's not fair!

*starts drinking heavily*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:27, closed)

Errrm
there are just too many to mention, best idea would be to scroll back and check any thread with more than about 10 answers, chances are a lot of them are about goats. Or monkeys. Or CHCB dogging in a building site. A rumour, I would like to point out, that she flatly denies, and was entirely made up by me, but which took on something of a life of it's own.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:41, closed)

^^ it's true
Al and Bert and sometimes Kaol have taken over the qotw board and turned it into a sleazfest. I sometimes don't know where to look.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:45, closed)

Oh Pooflake
Things have just descended into puerile and rude humour since you've been gone - the gravitas which you provided is sorely missed.

On the other hand it has provided me with the opportunity to get my goat photos out...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 23:16, closed)

A click for the phrase
"gentleman vegetables". Also, commiserations on your job :( anywhere that bans b3ta should be illegal under the Geneva Convention!
( Maladicta, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 23:33, closed)