The mad cat lady
Every road has a mad cat lady. Ours was called Jackie and her cat was called Minnie. This was an unfortunate name seeing as it was the fattest cat I'd ever seen. All the children used to laugh at her as she struggled to haul her little paunch over fences that slimmer cats hopped over with ease. I used to feel soooo sorry for her, but it was bloody funny. Jackie used to feed her smoked salmon and claimed that she wouldn't touch anything else.

Minnie got lost once and Jackie was just beyond distraught. There were notices pinned to every tree for miles around detailing her markings and offering stupendous rewards for her safe return. A few weeks later, she was returned safe and sound. The people who'd been looking after her had been feeding her Whiskas, which she had eaten without complaint. When Jackie tried to get her to eat Whiskas however it was a losing battle. The manipulative little feline sod wouldn't accept anything but the finest smoked salmon from her doting owner.

Minnie got run over at the ripe old age of twelve. Jackie ran out into the street in a skimpy dressing gown screaming, NOOOOOOOOO, MINNIE, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Mental. I never knew who to feel more sorry for - the spoiled, morbidly obese cat, or her fruitcake of an owner.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 13:18, Reply)