Not sure whether to answer this one...
...but I will anyway. Not quite the way round you were expecting I guess...

I've known this girl for nearly 2 years and there's always been something between us. About 3-4 weeks ago we finally got together... and it was the most amazing thing ever.

2 days later she collapses and gets taken into hospital. When she finds out she's 7 weeks pregnant.

By her ex.

She's now got it into her head that she has to go back to him even though he treated her like crap and cheated on her twice that she knows of (probably more).

I've seen her a few times since and every time she says the same thing... she loves me, she wants to be with me... but she can't because of the baby.

The words "absolutely devastated" don't even come close right now.

Sorry people, probably not the the amusing story you all wanted to hear but... that's how it is right now.
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:05, 15 replies)

Right
Ok fella, if you want this lass, you have to make it crystal clear to her you want her, and the baby. Did you say something along the lines of "I will support your decision whatever that is" because that can lead to a little confusion, which I'm sorry to say in the mind of a pregnant woman is never a good thing.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:13, closed)

I've told her...
exactly how I feel about her... and she knows I want to have kids anyway.

And I've made it completely clear to her that if me and her get together I'd bring that kid up as if it was my own.

I've had to take 4 days off work because of this already, just couldn't face it. (Not consecutive days, just randomly.) And fortunately I work from home, but still...
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:20, closed)

It sucks, but
people have to do what they see as right, even if a more rational mind would immediately see it as foolhardy. The fact that you and I and all the rest see her actions as a very bad decision matters not at all- she'll do what she thinks is right, and there isn't a goddam thing you can do about it.

All you can do it tell her what you think and how she feels, and then wait for her to make a decision.

Hard to do? Damn right- I've been there more times than I like to think about. I've watched people I care deeply about do incredibly stupid things and fuck up their lives as a result, despite my warnings. In the end, trying to convince them otherwise only resulted in me being hurt as I watched the train wreck unfold as I told them it would.

Speak your mind to her, say your piece, then back away. If she comes to you, all well and good- but if she chooses to go to him, just let it go and drink an extra pint for her. Because it's her life and she'll run it as she sees fit.

EDIT: My apologies if that came off as a tad harsh and uncaring, but really it's just the opposite- you need to protect yourself from being hurt by the actions of others. You can't change what she's going to do- the only thing you have control over is how you react.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:24, closed)

Just wanted to say...
"And I've made it completely clear to her that if me and her get together I'd bring that kid up as if it was my own."

On that basis at least, you're a gem of a man.

Kids don't appeal to me at all, but I have to respect a bloke who is willing to take on someone else's offspring. Especially since from what you have said, it would be better for her and the child.

Hope she sees sense and realises which side her bread is buttered.
(Guizmeaux, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:31, closed)

Not much I can add to the above
so I won't

but have a hug .. for being a nice guy.


*hugs*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:53, closed)

You're a better man than I am
I'd have run a mile had I been in your situation.

Good on you, and I hope it works out.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:58, closed)

You poor bastard
If it's any consolation, you're one heck of a man for wanting to stick around, a lot wouldn't.

There's nothing I can say that wouldn't come across as slightly old and jaded, but I do hope it works out and that you find what you're looking for.

*manly arm round shoulder*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:08, closed)

Aw! *hugs*
Your only hope is that she may see sense eventually.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:18, closed)

Everyone's said just give it time...
and if me and her are meant to be together it'll happen, one way or the other.

Just trying to keep on top of things in the meantime...
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 20:29, closed)

give her time
just be there for her. if she loves you, when her hormones and panic about the baby simmer down, she'll come back.

if she doesn't love you, or still has stronger feelings for her ex, you can't change that anyway, whatever you do.

but give it a time limit, old buddy old pal. don't hang around so long that it makes you miserable.

i am sure she'll realise it's you!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:17, closed)

Seems like my esteemed colleagues have it covered
As do you, by the sounds of it. Good luck mate, I sincerely wish you all the best.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 7 Jun 2008, 9:16, closed)

I can't add anything to this either,except...
I hope you make it through this all right. I can't give any advice on this, as I've never been in your situation. I have known a few people to whom similar things have happened, and if all sides see reason, it works out well. If not, all you can do is ask a few people to help pick up the pieces. What a shitty situation; take care of yourself.
(aeon chicken Like the Millenium Falcon, only slower and noisier, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 22:52, closed)

Dude.
You need to thank your lucky stars for her lack of interest in you right now.

When she says she can't be with you, accept it and move on. Don't listen to this "because of the baby" horseshit. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. Instead, she gets your attention and devotion without having to make any actual commitment.

Grow a pair, get some self esteem, and find yourself a girl who wants to be with you and have YOUR babies.

Otherwise you're signing yourself up for a life of misery and needless drama.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but there are enough masochistic "nice guys" out there already. Don't be one of them.

(Of course, it's possible I'm mistaken and she's the perfect girl for you. If that turns out to be the case, I'll take your "Go fuck yourself mate!" with good grace.)
(not here, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 3:37, closed)

Run
Run fast,

Run hard,

But most importantly run.

This will never work out for you mate, trust me.
(mabazaritchie ...Its not rape if she cums first..., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 9:28, closed)