Could've been worse
Years ago, before they were made Class A, a bunch of mates including me, some cousins and my brother used to order in a good few trips and dole them out amongst the assembled. It became tradition at about 1am to troop over to the town's main park to play football tag in the park's ornamental gardens - cracking good fun, but that's not the police story...

...the story is the journey home after one of these forays in the park. My brother, one of his mates named Ste and myself took a different route to the rest. A police car approached, slowed and stopped while we were ambling along a fast-asleep 'burb street at something like 5am. My brother and his mate both had criminal records and outstanding warrants at the time, so giving thier real names wasn't an option. So ensued a quick muttered exchange of aliases while these coppers sat there for a moment probably saying 'Look at the fucking state of these three'.

They got out and looked us up and down, three scallyish looking lads with pupils in eclipse and sweat still sticking the clothes to our bodies after spending the last 3+ hours alternately chasing and fleeing one another whilst laughing like maniacs. Questions ensued, and whilst myself and my brother were cool as cucumbers despite appearances, Ste was a mess - biting his lower lip so much it disappeared inside his mouth, hurriedly and repeatedly running both hands through his hair, even fucking up his alias. And as for how his eyes looked - oh dear :)

My brother and I briefly exchanged bemused 'WTF' glances and turned to see the coppers doing exactly the same. They actually looked sorry for him. Finally, one of them asked us how far we were from home - we weren't far and said so. Turning to leave he said 'I suggest you go there - quick'. 'No fear, mate' my brother replied, audibly relived as Ste had in some fucked-up way gotten them both off the hook. We ambled off at a slightly quickened pace while the coppers got back into the car, grinning.

I could tell you about another time playing acid-fuelled football tag in the park where I found Ste crammed into a space half his size in a tall, previously quite well-sculpted bush so he wouldn't end up being 'IT' - I'll never forget the look of glee in his eyes, or the look of 'oh, fuck' when I said 'but what if I end up being IT though?'.

Apologies for the length, and it not being as funny as I thought - fuck it though, I've been sat here for ten minutes typing this so you're 'avin it :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 19:42, Reply)