Dolphins
"Go now," I whispered to the dolphin, who looked happier to be free of his leather restraints. "Impart thyself unto the waves; frolick with thy brothers in the depths of yon briny ether; look back ye not, but look forth and seek that which shalt warm thy soul, for it lies there at the webbed feet of Neptune; find thy mate that thou might sow the seed of thy salty loins in Poseidon's vast and fertile garden, for our work today is done!"

My words were meant to comfort and inspire the creature, though it would surely struggle to pursue my directions in the confines of an indoor pool measuring only thirty feet by sixty, and twenty-five feet in depth.

I had endured a hard day training dolphins for a forthcoming BBC all-animal screen biopic titled 'Prince Philip: Damn Those Chinks!' I was excited about the project. The dolphins had an important scene drawing a carriage containing a pygmy hippo Prince Charles (to be voiced by Gary Cole from Midnight Caller) and a bluefin tuna Lady Diana (voiced by Meera Syal). I had trained the hippo the previous month and, once he had become accustomed to the tweed costumes (which tended to chafe somewhat), he really got into the swing of things. Unfortunately, I was unable to train the tuna (and the koala that was to play the titular role) as it is only in my contract to train aquatic mammals. (As a side note, whoever trained the koala did a sterling job; it achieved the Prince's winning smile perfectly.)

The dolphin squawked a short message to me before swimming to the other side of the pool. I translated the message as, "I love you with all my heart, but there is a policewoman behind you." I did not react at first. Instead I collected my thoughts. Policewoman, eh? This could be fun. I hatched a plan to seduce this woman of the law.

I pulled my trousers to my ankles and unleashed my manhood. I positioned myself at the edge of the pool and was about to pass waste fluids into the water when the female officer leaped forth with a small device in her hand. The apparatus was like a regular pair of handcuffs, but with a third, miniature cuff. She approached swiftly from behind, reaching between my legs to grab my member. She pulled it down between my thighs so that the foreskin rubbed against my anus. I reached behind with both hands to try and break her grip on my bulbous meat, but this was turned to her advantage. She cuffed my hands behind my back and then attached the third, miniature cuff around my shaft. I was left helpless, my hands behind my back and my length pulled tightly between my legs, separating my testes like a fleshy breakwater. I had not expected this to happen.

Laughing, my attacker then shackled my ankles and forced me into the pool where I had to learn to swim without the use of my hands. I picked up a new swimming technique from the dolphins that involved gyrating violently, and this served me well for the eighteen months that I was in there with them. I believe that this time spent living as one of the dolphins has brought us all closer together. I don't feel bitter for what that woman did. In a way she made me a better person. And a better dolphin. Ack! Ack!
(stusut79, Fri 23 Sep 2005, 11:56, Reply)