A couple of years ago, I was subject to a situation in which the police were called.
A very drunk, very large Aussie banker had followed me down the street in the middle of the afternoon, continually trying to swing punches at me for being an English baaaastard.

Thankfully he was so pissed he'd missed every time, and the one time he'd got hold of me by the shirt, I forcibly removed his hand, which hadn't really helped the situation.

Now - I've heard so many people say "Policewomen, eh? Eh? Phwooooar! Eh?" but until then I'd only ever seen the fake-lesbian ones that generally look like they could eat an apple through a letter box and then bust the door down to get the rest.

But a squad car pulled up, having been called by passers-by, and the cutest, tiniest, slip of a girl got out of the driver's seat, put her hat on, and, welcomely, offered me a cigarette while er - taking down my particulars.

Out of the other side unfolded the longest guy I think I've ever seen - I'm sure he was over 7 feet tall, thin as string, and camper than Elton John's dog.

He almost exageratedly minced up to the police woman and me, and said in a voice that made John Inman sound like Mariella Frostrup, "Right then - I'll just go and deal with the perp - you ok here, PC Daws?"

Although somewhat discombobulated by the whole scenario, I swear to god I was expecting Jeremy Beadle's rotting corpse to jump out from behind a post box and tell me I was on Candid Camera.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 6 May 2011, 11:53, 3 replies)

Homophobe.

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 6 May 2011, 12:20, closed)

No
I'm sure he fucked him
(waxdart hello., Fri 6 May 2011, 12:22, closed)

He did

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 6 May 2011, 12:23, closed)

^This^
He had an arse like a windsock and took nearly all of it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 6 May 2011, 13:12, closed)

Nearly all of it?
You big internet fibber. I bet he had plenty of room to spare.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 6 May 2011, 17:43, closed)

Forcibly removing his hand...
...seems a bit harsh. This isn't shariah, y'know.
(stalinism, Sat 7 May 2011, 14:55, closed)