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This is a question The Police II

Enzyme asks: Have you ever been arrested? Been thrown down the stairs by the West Midlands Serious Crime Squad, with hi-LAR-ious consequences? Or maybe you're a member of the police force with chortlesome anecdotes about particularly stupid people you've encountered.
Do tell.

(, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:42)
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What is it???
I was a hardcore goff back in the day, (pictures on request) and one night I was got up in my finest attire, PVC shorts and thigh boots, bustier, three pairs of false eyelashes, multi-coloured hair extensions and jewellry glued to my forehead. I was also going through a particularly wanky phase of smoking Sobranie Cocktails for a bit of po-mo irony. My then boyfriend and I spent a good evening dancing and drinking until the early hours, having a lovely time till some little scrote took exception to him and hit him over the head with a bottle. (I was also doing Muay Thai at that point and had him pinned against the wall till the bouncers came without even spilling my drink - a true Glaswegian!) Anyway, the boy was bleeding like a stuck pig so we went to casualty, he was taken in for treatment and I sat there, like the Emperor Vespasian in drag, surrounded by Glasgow's finest lovers and fighters in A&E at 2am in the morning. There was also a very drunk guy handcuffed to a young police officer who was raving on and on about wanting a cigarette, getting louder and more aggressive as time passed, I began to feel a bit frightened. Eventually his complaints got too much for the policeman who turned to me long-sufferingly, and said 'Excuse me Miss, do you have a cigarette please'.
It was my finest hour as I flipped open my pack of pastel-coloured cancer sticks, and proferred them. The looks of disbelief on the police guy and the drunk's faces were classic as they surveyed these wonders. Finally the drunk guy meekly selected a bright pink one, and sat down, quiet for the first time in an hour. All except his anguished whisper to the officer 'But what IS it????' and the response 'i don't know either Sir. Just smoke it' :D
(, Fri 6 May 2011, 16:14, closed)
(, Fri 6 May 2011, 17:01, closed)

Thank you! It tickled me at the time.
(, Fri 6 May 2011, 17:55, closed)
Very good.
Now you have me wondering what you are too.
(, Fri 6 May 2011, 17:46, closed)

What do you mean, what i am? :)
(, Fri 6 May 2011, 17:54, closed)
think he (she?), probably means a/s/l

(, Fri 6 May 2011, 18:04, closed)

I'm a 38 year old French teacher from Glasgow, but I have to have ID on me if I don't wear makeup because they won't sell me cigarettes or drink otherwise.
(, Fri 6 May 2011, 18:07, closed)
Sorry, yes, I was asking your sex.
Though only out of curiosity of course -- if I thought I may want to have sex with you I'd have asked a lot more politely.
(, Fri 6 May 2011, 19:31, closed)
Go on then -
pics please.
(, Sat 7 May 2011, 22:57, closed)

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