Good Cop, Bad Cops
I've had a few dealings with the police over the years (nothing serious, and only a couple of real 'skirmishes', generally I am a fine upstanding member.. etc.) Some have been very pleasant and helpful, and others quite odious - bad apples and all that.

I did meet the D.I. who had his hand completely cut off in a raid in Tottenham by someone with a machete - maybe '92? I think it was front page news at the time, but I've just googled it and can't find anything (funnily enough I do remember his name, but it doesn't help). He was a friend of my mum and dads good friend who I had only met the week before. I shook his hand and then started a conversation along the line of 'So, is your job dangerous?' (this is true, I don't know why I feel the need to qualify that in particular here 'cos all this is, but massive honda). He had it sewn back the week later after I met him in a 'pioneering' operation. I saw him for the second and last time about a year after that and he showed me that one arm from shoulder to fingertips was a good inch shorter than the other. Anyway possibly interesting, but no funnies really there unless you are a big fan of 'cop torture porn comedy', a new cinema genre I just invented.

The one thing that does sticks in my mind when thinking about the thin blue line was a time in the very late 80's when one day I was approached in Barnet High street (not far from the cop shop for anyone who knows the area) by a copper and asked if I had some time to take part in an ID parade for a fiver - that was a weeks worth of fags for me at the time, so I was in, and it also turns out that you wait in the police canteen for a while getting free tea and doughnuts - it just got better. I ended up doing it about 5 or 6 times, easy cash for a 15 year old and I didn't have the mistrust of the police I have nowadays - they had my home phone number in the end and would 'book me in', usually on a Friday for some reason. Of course I was not in every line up they did - that would be stupid, right?

Except, the line up that really sticks in my mind was I think the last time I did it. I went up to the station as usual after school on a Friday, sports bag (Hi-Tec, if you must know. I was one of the cool kids) over my shoulder, tie tucked in top part of shirt, I believe that was the fashion at the time, and I had my school blazer on. Basically, looking every inch the 15 year old schoolboy I was.

I had the customary tea and doughnut and noticed a few other lads from my school, all my size, colour and age. We got chatting and didn't really think about the happy serendipity that had brought us all together for hard cash (unmarked), and free refreshments.

Until we got in the ID room together and the 'perp' entered. A good 5 years older than the rest of us, stubble we couldn't muster in a year, trackies and an air about him that just said guilty.

We never got to hear what was going on from the other side of the window. I never got asked back again, but I think that day they really did everything they could to make sure this guy was 'made'. They never called me again either.

On a side note, they must have been pleased, because on that last time only they offered me a lift (a good way away) home in a jam sandwich.

I wasn't thinking about the bollocking from my mum I would eventually get for letting the police turn up outside our house, me getting out and slowly walking up to the front door, weary and shoulders sagging after a hard week at school.
( DeadEyeDick, Wed 11 May 2011, 20:17, 5 replies)

So my reply is....
I was also in an identity parade. We all had brown/dark hair. The 'alleged' perp had blond hair. I saw him in the street a few weeks later and found out that the witness had been unable to identify him.
And i think to myself, what a wonderful world.
(searlichek, Wed 11 May 2011, 23:26, closed)

Cop torture porn comedy ...
That'd be Reservoir Dogs, wouldn't it?
(Que?, Thu 12 May 2011, 0:47, closed)

Yes
Damn you Tarantino!
( DeadEyeDick, Thu 12 May 2011, 2:55, closed)

and robocop surely?

(fannymcslap Slap my mcfanny, Thu 12 May 2011, 12:42, closed)

I've also been in an ID parade
and the 'perp' and his solicitor got to choose who would be in it.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:17, closed)