Apologies for the oppression of women everywhere
(and length)

Back in the distant mists of time I was a fairly precocious young piglet with a penchant for reading. My tastes were eclectic but I always firmly returned to the ‘adventure Stories For Boys’ type annuals that were available back then (yeah yeah, I’m old - sue me). Our English teacher (she taught English, I don’t know her nationality) invited us to present to the class a review of a favourite book.

Fantastic. A chance to show my superior reading level and talk about something I genuinely loved. But which book to choose? Really there was no choice – I was addicted to a series of books by an author named Willard Price where two young lads went tearing around the globe having adventures with animals (steady there). These were called, “African Adventure”, “South Seas Adventure” etc etc.

I can’t remember which one I chose but I do remember the front cover; a garish rendering of one of the protagonists hanging from a cliff over a pride of slathering lions.

I write the review. I re-write. I sweat. I actually care about some schoolwork.

The session begins. I stand. I talk. I tell of the wonders held between those thin, pasteboard covers. And then I finish, as the teacher requested, by recommending the book to someone.

Now I may have had the reading level of a twelve year old at age eight but I was also a bit, well, thick. I tended to believe everything I read regardless of its source. On the back of this book it proudly stated “Adventure Stories FOR BOYS”.

You can see where this is going.

I repeat the recommendation, finish the review and stand awaiting the adulation from the teacher. Who stands silently. And then proceeds to tear strips off me for being “sexist”. “Why can’t girls read this book?” this harridan shrieked, “aren’t girls as good as you?” She made every girl in the class stand up so that I could explain to each one individually why she shouldn’t be allowed to read my book. No one else got to do a review as she went on and on and on about equality (understand that at this age we didn’t really get that there was a difference between the sexes)!

What I wanted to say was, “but you asked for my opinion, it’s only an opinion – aren’t I allowed to have a different opinion to you?”

What I did was cry and wet myself.

Which is why I am now an irascible old misogynist who takes great delight in cutting in front of women on my huge motorbike and leering at them while touching myself.

Tremendous.

Length? About 14 feet and covered in chrome.

Edit: That's right Hal and Roger Hunt. Used to trap animals for their Dad. Still remember those books fondly.
(Pig_of_Doom, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 7:39, 5 replies)

hahaha, evil bastard teacher that is
Plus you pissed yourself too, that's worthy of a *click*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 8:07, closed)

i used to LOVE
these books! hal and roger, right?

stupid teacher.

ps: did you know there is a theory that willard price was in fact a spy??

pps: i read too much. what a gimp.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 10:22, closed)

Willard Price
I loved these books as a kid. My old teacher brought them in to class, and I read all of them after I'd finished my work and waiting for the rest of the class to finish, as I was a smart wee bastard.

Just as well rswipe wasn't in my class at school or I wouldn't have had the books all to myself. And she's probably smarter than me too so she'd have finished first. Boo. :-)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 10:38, closed)

They caught animals
for a zoo, right?

I used to love those books, awesome awesome awesome!
( zulu eh?, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 14:26, closed)

Willard Price
I remember them too - Flying fish, making rafts after getting stuck on desert islands, polynesia, moonfish... I could go on.

Reminds of my favourite book of my childhood (a couple of years earlier though than these) - about Plop the barn owl, who was afraid of the dark. He kept wolfing down food that his parents bought him, and talking to people about the dark and how it was scary. Wonderful kids book...

EEEEK!!!
(Calamity wetter than a fish's wet bits - bloody rain on, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 19:25, closed)