Australia, I have failed you.
Years ago, I was walking up the stairwell of the multi-storey car park in Manly, when the Rt Hon Tony Abbott MP ran past me in the opposite direction. These days he's MP for Warringah and Prime Minister of this fair land, and would obviously have bodyguards with him, but back then he was merely MP for Warringah and leader of the opposition, and was thus on his todd.

He was clearly in a hurry as he was sprinting down the stairs (maybe Rupert had texted to say his arse needed wiping, don't know), whereas I was sauntering upwards in a leisurely fashion, and it was only a few seconds later that I realised I'd missed a golden opportunity to extend a sneaky foot and send the jug-eared twat crashing down a flight of concrete stairs.

Obviously there's no way the resulting catastrophic head trauma could have made him any dumber or any uglier, but I've often wondered whether the months of painful post-surgical rehabilitation might have curtailed his political career somewhat, and steered the fate of the nation in an entirely different direction.

Australia, I have failed you. And I'm sorry.
(Joy Division Oven Gloves Death to false metal, Sat 2 May 2015, 7:31, 5 replies)

Sir Prince Phillip
Rupert Murdoch, the Chinese Government, Australia's richest elite, Asio & the NSA and his daughter Frances's scholarship fund thank you for your services.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Sat 2 May 2015, 22:26, closed)

I really am very sorry.
I keep hoping fate will correct my heinous error, and there'll be some sort of freak budgie-smuggler incident, or he'll attend a mining industry function and accidentally stand between Gina Rinehart and a giant tray of sausage rolls, but sadly it doesn't seem likely.
(Joy Division Oven Gloves Death to false metal, Sat 2 May 2015, 23:22, closed)

I've got wonderful visions of
Julie Bishop smothering him as she sits on his face and Pyney attempting to fellate him to death.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Sun 3 May 2015, 1:04, closed)

Does 'wonderful' mean something different in your house?

(Joy Division Oven Gloves Death to false metal, Sun 3 May 2015, 8:07, closed)

You're saying you wouldn't have a crack at the gorgon?

(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Sun 3 May 2015, 13:19, closed)