Tales Of The Little Man
My best mate is going out with a lovely lady who is somehow related to Lord and Lady Vardey (as in the owners of babwillions of Reg Vardey car showrooms in the North East). So the time comes when he and the missus are going to visit the posh relatives in their castle, or whatever it is these people live in. So not only is he nervous about making an impression as not being common but also as the boyfriend/prospective husband. Needless to say he's a tad nervous.

As a result his loving older brother starts schooling him in the way of the posh. This mostly consists of every mealtime (regardless of whether he's eating ice cream or fish or whatever) by growling in his plummiest upper class voice "Would you like some ketchup with that little man?!"

Of course this doesn't exactly help and also, of course, was a shocking stereotype. Or not, as it turned out. After their arrival they were making small talk with The Lady waiting for his Lordship to arrive. As they did my mate noticed their fish tank covered in algae, being similar to his own he told Lady Vardey the type of tablets she would need to fix the problem.

The Lady was very grateful and, upon her husbands entrance, exclaimed "Look dear, the nice man has solved the problem with the aquarium!" The Lord also looked pleased and, without so much as acknowledging my mate's existence replied "Capital! Is there any chance he could take a look at the television?"

According to my mate it took all his willpower not to reply in his best Ted voice (that's Ted as in Ted and Ralph from The Fast Show) mumbling at the ground "Its noy my job to be fixing your television sir."
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sat 17 Sep 2005, 12:00, Reply)