stereotyping can be useful
last winter-when it was about -40 and snowing- whilst putting the bin out at about midnight so no one would see me, I managed to lock myself out of my flat wearing mens boxers,a bra and no fucking shoes..

Not a good look at night time in islington - for a girl anyway..

i was panicking, phone was inside, neighbours are all cunts and i actually have panic attacks even going outside with no make up on even on a good day. BUT NO, it had to be that the one time i take the bin out late at night so no-one see's me, my door decides to spazz out and slam shut on my fucking dignity.

i was getting truly fucked off.. i tried kicking the door, scratching my way through it, screaming at it to fucking open, crying.. basically doing all those irrational behaviours that come out when inanimate objects decide to be fucking cunts and ruin your day. I couldnt be so loud that some cunt next door would hear and come around and be all like ''oh dear are you locked out, come in mine and ill judge you?''.. i sat in my enclosed porch for about an hour and a half (thats probably exagerated through lack of phone clock) FREEZING MY FUCKING TITS OFF.. until i decided to stop crying, stand up and venture out past the drive to find a good samaritan who will let me use their phone and feel sorry for me.

i got to the gate.. and what did i see.. a blatant islington rude boy skank type, with his cap to the side and a limp in his walk...and i thought ''bingo.. clever nette.. he will do..''

'excuse me, EXCUSE ME..''' i got his attention.. ''basically im locked out out of my house and im wondering if you will help me..''

he looks at me a bit oddly - bra, mens pants, fucking ugly from crying - but walks across the road to my aid bless him.. ''will you kick in my door please to break the lock.''


took about 30 seconds. I actually commend the breed now. i got the lock changed within 5 hours though, just incase. who needs a phone.
(nettestar meeow, Fri 2 Apr 2010, 11:37, 5 replies)

You paint a fantastic scene
I know I shouldn't but I laughed at your description. It is for this very reason that I have my keys on a lanyard these days, it is most embarrassing getting locked out of your own home.

Clicky for underwear in the snow. I know how truly cold that can be.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Fri 2 Apr 2010, 11:55, closed)

Hahahaha, been there
except dressed and in daylight, but heavily pregnant!

Locked out, I asked a passing neighbour (whom I knew to be a convicted burglar) to climb over the 8' high wall and open the gate so I could get in the back way.

He was over there like a rat up a rope and I was back in my cosy house in no time, after profuse thanks.

Awesome.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 2 Apr 2010, 12:53, closed)

and the next day...
...you put barbed wire on top of the wall? come on, be honest ;)
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 14:27, closed)

I haven't done this
But I did manage to lock my car keys in the boot when about to leave for the airport to catch a flight.

Which, of course, I missed.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 2 Apr 2010, 14:03, closed)

nettes top tip: when locked out seek help from dodgy burglar looking yob!
(nettestar meeow, Fri 2 Apr 2010, 16:40, closed)