Senior Academics
If I were, say, selecting the England cricket team and I asked you to play, the reponse, "I'd love to, but I refuse to bat, bowl or field or come on tour, but I'll take that England cap and share the glory of any subsequent victory..." would not be acceptable.

So, instead of spending 10 minutes writing me a shouty email about how the small administrative task you have been asked to do for your course is taking up too much of your precious and important research time, spend that 10 minutes actually doing that task then maybe you won't send me to an early grave due to chronic hypertension.

You might also like to bear in mind that you have tenure. I don't. I'm constantly walking on a knife edge, whereas you could be caught sodomising your entire research group with a pipette anally raping your entire research group with a YAG laser (*) and it would still be difficult to fire you...

(*) edited for improved hyperbole
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:39, 7 replies)

Pipettes are tiny, aren't they?!
You need a more anally lacerating implement to lend your hypothesis the necessary hyperbole. Can I be so bold as to recommend a chainsaw?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:10, closed)

A teat pipette is tiny.
There are other kinds of pipette that are way bigger. A burette would still be funnier, though.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:14, closed)

Does depend on the pipette
But I take your point.

How about "anally raping someone with a YAG laser"?
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:16, closed)

I had to look it up but yeah!
That would be truly excellent. I imagine it would leave the research team with crispy starfishes?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:19, closed)

fixed!
yeah, very crispy...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:25, closed)

*clicks* vigorously!
And wonders where he can acquire a YAG laser to get the missus revved up...
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:47, closed)

They're common enough
Sometimes the beam profile's not that even, but it would do a good job of frying a bumhole regardless. And all in a few microseconds!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:42, closed)

Wow - * Drooools*
I have to get me one of these. Are they expensive?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 28 May 2010, 17:34, closed)

hmm
Sounds very crispy, but won't the heat cauterize the wound, thus suppressing any satisfying bleeding?

I can't believe I just typed that!
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Sat 29 May 2010, 21:49, closed)

Beef Elf is scary!
But perhaps alternate assaults by razor and YAG laser in an orgy of bleeding and re-cauterisation might just be a way forward.
Can't believe I just typed THAT!!!
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Sun 30 May 2010, 15:41, closed)